Living a Joyfilled, Pastor's Wife, Life

I'm going to tell you a secret. Some of you already know it.  But here it goes...

... I LOVE BEING A PASTOR"S WIFE!

I believe it is possible to live a joy filled, pastor's wife life. 

I could give you five ways to success or lay out a strategy for implementation, but It's really not that complicated.
There's really only ONE thing you need to know. 

You are not special. 

OUCH! Sorry.
Of course you are loved and valued and treasured. What I mean to say, is let's not buy into the philosophy that says PW's are somehow living martyrs or singular victims in this fallen world. That is just where the enemy would have us.

When we get to heaven, I'm pretty sure there will not be a special Pastor's wife reception.

 In fact, I'm counting on standing shoulder to shoulder with  you and feeling such solidarity in our love for Christ that PW will no longer be a label for any of us.  I will simply be Joleen, Christ Follower. 

Pastor's wife 101: This would be my first lesson. My first challenge to you. 

Write out what is hard about being a Pastor's wife. Now write out what the blessings are of being a Pastor's wife. 

Try to put your words in their simplest form. See my example below.
Now sit down with a friend who is not a pastor's wife and ask her if she struggles with any of your issues on the left. Ask her if she enjoys some of the blessings on the right? You may be surprised to learn your friend has deeper struggles than you or that she enjoys all the same blessings you do. 

It's time to stop obsessing over our parsonage woes and choose joy. 

So how do we do that?

By recognizing we live in a fallen world with broken people.
By choosing to Thank God for the blessings we enjoy.
By leaning into Jesus and depending on Him alone to meet our deepest needs.
By staying in prayer and The Word
By remembering what Christ has done for us and all the privileges we enjoy as a result of being his children.

OOPS I just gave you five steps. Well if they help that's great.
So, my dearest PW's,
Let us live with joy this life God has given us.
I choose to live a joy filled Pastor's wife life.
How about you?

'I don't want to go back to Church!"

"I don't want to go back to Church!" Says the pastor's wife sitting across from me. Tears stream down her face. I hold her hands across the table and pray for wisdom. 

I understand how she is feeling.  I've been there.  Being the wife of a pastor is not easy.

 I sit back and listen to her breaking heart.  It's hard when the silver lining of ministry and all it's glorious ambitions come crashing down. The first time is the hardest.  

By the time we get to desert her tears have dried. 

She grips her coffee cup and exhales the words, "It would be so much easier to just get real jobs." 

"Yes, I think it would." I reply.  

"So, why haven't you guys quit yet?" She leans forward as she asks the question. I know the answer is not exactly what she wants to hear right now.  

I sip my tea slowly and say, "Because God has not given us a spirt of fear, but of strength and power and a sound mind."  2 Timothy 1:7  

No one enters the ministry thinking it will be perfect. But we're still thunderstruck by the many challenges we meet.
 Personal
Emotional
Financial
Spiritual
Physical
PW's are challenged at every level. 

Over the next few minutes I share a few of my own struggles. I am no spiritual giant. I am just like her, only a bit older. I am a bit wiser and a bit stronger.  So I share my strength and hope with her; leaning into the struggle together. 

I tell her, "When ministry weighs on us we must cling to the one who has led us here. He promises to "renew our strength" Isaiah 40:31 and to "refresh our souls." Psalm 23:1-3. "

The rate at which pastors are abandoning the church is alarming. I fear in some part it is for the sake of their wives and family.  

I am a Pastor's wife. I know the temptation to fall on my knees and beg my husband to change career tracks. But ministry is not a career. It is a calling.  I believe I am called to be my husbands wife and he is called to be a pastor.  I can not escape his calling, it is inexplicably wrapped up in who we are as a couple

So instead, I fall to my knees and I beg God to call ME. Call me again. "Oh God, call me to the work you have for me to do! Not simply because of my husbands title, but because I am your child." 

 If you are like my sweet friend: A pastor's wife who is struggling. I encourage you not to give up hope. God has appointed you to be your husbands wife. He will answer you if you cry out to Him. He understands your pain. Won't you let Him strengthen you? 

-Under the same wing,

Joleen

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"Poured Out" for Christ. No cup of tea. Or is it?

So there's two kinds of poured out statements in the Bible, "Grace poured out",  and "poured out like a drink offering": 

I much prefer the first but the second brings it's own kind of sweetness.

Grace poured out reminds me of the beautiful aroma of a freshly brewed pot of Red Rose tea. Drinking this tea fills me with warm lovely memories and feelings.  The best thing about Red Rose is the ceramic "toy" inside. I can still feel a childish giggle in my throat every time I open a new box.

Grace poured out is like that: warm, lovely and full of joy!

Just look at these warm, lovely, joy filled verses:
1 Corinthians 15:10 Paul says, "But whatever I am now it is because God poured out his special favor on me. "
Ephesians 1:6 "So, we praise God for his glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to His dear son."
1 Timothy 1:14 "The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly."

Poured out like a drink offering does not elicit the same warm fuzzies. In fact if you read the old testament this statement is a picture of sacrifice.  References to being poured out often included the death of the creature who did the pouring.

Can we go back to Grace poured out please?

Hold on a minute. Let's look at being poured out a little closer.
Here's what the apostle Paul says,
Philippians 2:17 "But, I will rejoice, even if I loose my life pouring it out like a liquid offering to God."
2 Timothy 4:6 "As for me my life has already been poured out as an offering to God. The time of my death is near."

I want to say something so very important. It's been rattling around in my soul for several days now.  Being poured out brings a lovely warmth and joy that satisfies a deeper purpose in my life. When I choose to put aside my own discomfort, weariness or emotional baggage in order to love, serve and be with others, my heart is enlarged, my hope is sustained and my happiness increases. 

 Working with College girls is a great example of this. I've been at it for a couple of years and events like the one below bring so much joy, even when I'm tired.

Tomorrow, I am scheduled for a surgical proceedure. I've been in pain and discomfort for weeks and weeks.  Yet, yesterday, I hosted two small groups in my home. By seven last evening my body felt completely done in. The Jane and Tea club girls were arriving and I was in the bathroom crying. I could have sent them all home. I probably should have. But, I felt such love and devotion for the cheerful voices downstairs. So, I dried my tears, prayed a quick prayer and went to pour out some love grace and tea. 

Being poured out is intentional. It is the act of giving of ourselves when there is little left to give. I believe it is an act of faith.

As I joined my Jane & Tea girls, I felt renewed strength and joy. We had a lovely evening and I believe several of them truly needed to be in my home last night. The hugs as they left spoke volumes to my heart. 

I love this quote by Lilias Trotter. "There lies before us a beautiful life, One with a passion for giving that shall be poured forth to God but spent out for man." 

How about you? Will you pour forth your life to God by serving and loving those he has placed directly in your path? Don't just enjoy Grace poured out. BE POURED OUT!
You will discover a lovely warmth and sweetness in both.
Under the same wing,
-Joleen

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Under the same wing

The cooing of a dove rises above the early morning fog. A soft reply filters through the air. 

The lake and it's birds are home to me.  I can't image the lake without the birds, their voices are intertwined with some of my best memories. 

I realized today how many pictures I have of these beautiful creatures. All of the pictures below are from Arlington Beach.

How many can you name? 

The birds of Arlington remind me of the promises God gives about being under His wing. It's a safe and secure place to dwell.  

If you've been looking for a great place to find Bible verses, all of these are from Bible gateway. Click on any of them to read more. 

Psalm 91:4

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Song of Solomon 2:12

The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing ofturtledoves fills the air.

Matthew 6:25-34 [Full Chapter] 

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? ...

Ruth 2:12

May the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully for what you have done.”

3 habits for developing a healthy mentoring lifestyle

"A healthy lifestyle is one which helps you to keep and improve people's health and well-being." 

A healthy mentoring lifestyle is one which helps to keep and improve people's spiritual health and well-being." 

I'm always surprised to hear women say, "I could never be a mentor, I NEED a mentor." 

When we hide behind our desire for what we do not have, we keep that very same thing from those who need it.  

Let's be the generation that develops healthy mentoring habits! It's really not hard or even that time consuming. I've found myself mentoring over a quick cup of coffee or text message. Mentoring happens during a conversation in the church foyer or a brisk walk around the park. It doesn't have to be complicated or formal. It's as easy as changing your eating habits. 

Three habits for developing a healthy mentoring lifestyle: 

#1. Change your eating habits: 

Yup, weird, but true. What are you feeding yourself? Do you have a steady diet of FB, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat? Maybe you binge on Netflix series. Perhaps your sweet tooth can't resist hours on Pintrest's baking files.

All of these things tempt me. Sometimes, it's like a physical pain to simply close my computer and walk over to where my bible and colored pencils sit. As if there's a battle waging or something! Um.. yeah, there is a battle raging. 

Feed yourself a steady diet of The Word. If you are creative I suggest bible journalling as a great way to inspire your study time. If you are not creative, I suggest a spiral bound notebook and a good pen to write down your thoughts and ideas as you study. 

As you fill yourself up with truth, wisdom and knowledge you will find you can nourish others out of the bounty in your soul.

#2. Exercise more

Last summer, I bought myself a bright green beach bike complete with a basket and a cupholder. I loved the sunshine on my face and the opportunity to be with my son as we rode all over Wheaton. The exercise did me good in many ways.

What does exercise look like for a healthy mentoring lifestyle? You just have to DO IT. 

Invite that college girl over for desert, Ask another family to join you for a game night, Call that friend and go for a walk in the park together, Text that person that's been on your heart and go out for lunch together.  Mentoring can begin with these small exertions. Endeavor to step out of your comfort zone and exercise your mentoring muscles. You may find you are invigorated by the effort.

#3. Create a support system

Who is your greatest cheer leader? My mom is that for me. She is quick to pray with me, quote bible verses over the phone and remind me of the strength I have in Christ. 

Find at least one other person who is like minded. Let them know you are developing a Healthy mentoring lifestyle and tell them what that means for you. Ask them to pray for you and invite them to ask you how it's going periodically. 

Don't have a person in mind? Ask God to send you one. Remember that God is the foundation of this whole thing. He can be your support system if there is no physical person available. 

So, I'm certain this list is leaving you wanting more. 

You may be asking, "Where's the resources?" 

Or, "Where's the method?"

With any lifestyle change you must simply make a start. Work on these three things for awhile and see if you don't feel renewed strength and vitality coursing through your spiritual veins. As you improve your spiritual health and well-being you will discover you can't keep your transformation to yourself.  May God be glorified in you my dear sisters. 

Under the same wing,

-Joleen

Are you preparing your heart for Sunday?

It's Saturday. Are you preparing your heart for Sunday? 

Are you worried about Sunday morning drama? 

Are you anxious about facing that certain someone in the foyer? 

Are you afraid you won't measure up to those sitting next to you in the pew?

This ONE THING is all you need.

Trust in the Lord when the drama descends.

Trust in the Lord when that friend approaches you in the foyer.

Trust in the Lord for courage, wisdom, grace and joy! 

He really can help you get through Sunday. Actually God can do more than get you through. God can fill your heart with Joy and Love for the people around you. Won't you stop right now and prepare your heart for Sunday?

I love you all so much! I'm so glad we are ...

... Under the same wing!

-Joleen

#IFGathering

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Keeping your head on Sunday

If you're a PW then you totally get the title of this post. If not, then hang on to your hat as things are about to get busy!

Sunday's are unbelievable at the "Blue House" Let me walk you through.
Don't worry, I'll tell you how to stay steady and sane on the way!

8:45a.m. My friend, Chi, arrives with food for the B&B college ministry

*B&B = Bible &Breakfast

9:00 a.m. the church bus pulls up to our door to drop off eager friends

We eat breakfast and look into the word of God together. 

How do I keep my head this early in the morning? 

#1. Get someone else to bring the food. Thanks Chi! You're awesome!

#2. Clean and prep the house the night before.

 Expecting to get up in the morning and be ready is a serious mistake.

#3. Get a good night sleep the night before if at all possible

#4.. Pray for the students the night before. The chalkboard in my entry way helps me find out great stuff about each student.

10:30a.m. Church

Okay B&B is over so let's walk across the parking lot to church. Oops first let me throw the chicken and potatoes I prepped the night before into my oven so we have food for our lunch guests. 

Okay, now we can go to church.

How do I keep my head? 

#1. As I walk across the parking lot, I pray for peace and sometimes strength to be a blessing to the people inside God's house. 

#2.  I also, pop a breath mint!

11:45a.m. Lunch guests

We don't actually have lunch guests every Sunday.  But when we do it's often international students from Wheaton College. 

How do I keep my head?

#1. I serve buffet style on this "island" in the middle of my kitchen. This keeps things simple

#2. I  serve a meat, a starch like potatoes or rice, a hot veggie like peas or corn and a lettuce salad. Desert is often store bought cookies and ice cream. 

2:00p.m. guests are gone! 

Let's Nap! 

Truly one of the best ways to keep sane on a Sunday! Take a 20 min. nap!

Now the evening comes and I know this is crazy but we have two small groups that meet at our house on Sunday night. 

The first group arrives at 6:00p.m. and stays until 7:30p.m. This is an important group to me. They are the ones with whom we share most deeply. Keeping my head with them is easy! I lean on them and they pray for me. They lean on me and I pray for them.

7:45p.m. Jane & Tea night

By now, you'd think I'd be dead dog tired! Nope. Every single Sunday God gives exactly what's needed.  This is actually one of my absolute favorite activities! Friends come over and we drink tea, create some sort of simple craft and watch one hour of something we're into. Right now, it's the six hour version of Pride and Prejudice. 

How do I keep my head?

#1. Greeting the girls with joy and being honest about where I'm at physically. Sometimes, I spend more time on the couch than they do.

#2. Put out simple snacks.  I've even served tea and toast to great approval! 

10:00p.m. Fall straight into bed and sleep like a rock! 

I will admit two things that are true about me right now. 

#1. I have older children at home. 10 and 17

#2. I sleep in on Mondays and spend most of my time on the computer creating posts and resting.

 So whatever your Sunday's look like, I hope you'll find ways to stay organized and be prepared ahead of time for whatever God may have in store for you. As one dear friend said to me once, "Joleen, I suggest you pray, pray, pray some more!" 

Dear PW I say the same and I pray you can keep your head as Sunday approaches. 

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HOW TO HOST A JANE & TEA CLUB

 "Do you like tea?" and  "What's your favorite Jane Austen story?"  If these two questions could keep you chatting for hours then this post is for you.

  

Several years ago, a dear group of women in PA started a Jane & Tea night. We would gather for tea and watch PBS renditions of Mansfield Park, Northanger Abbey, Sense and Sensibility and Emma. A little Charlotte Bronte's, Jane Eyre and a dash of Dickens with Bleak House rounded out our year nicely. We felt Jane would understand. 

My original Jane & Tea club friends developed a love for tea parties and china. So much so, we would often meet at local tea shops to celebrate our birthdays. We even began purchasing a particular blue and white Spode tea cup for each other as it reminded us of those viewed in Pride & Prejudice. 

When God called my husband and I away from PA to IL,  my dear friends threw me a party and gave me an entire tea basket filled with Jane inspired items.  I treasure these items as they evoke golden memories of lively conversation, laughter and love. 

Perhaps, golden memories are best left to glisten on the shelves of our minds. I longed, however, for the connection Jane provided.  So I endeavored to start a new Jane & Tea club.

Since College Students are one of the groups we are blessed to serve, I've invited the girls to join me each Sunday night at 7:45 for a cuppa tea and an episode of Pride & Prejudice.  I hope to inspire them to all things lovely and provide a golden memory of their own. If you live local, you are welcome to join us! You do not need to be a college student. We'd love to have all ages reflected in our club! I think Jane would approve. 

If you would like to host your own Jane & Tea Club here are a few ideas for you:

#1. The Menu

Keep it simple but pretty. 

Tea is essential. Check out my Tea quotes page for some ideas!
fruit, and breads or cookies make a nice spread.

If you are hoping for the traditional scones and clotted cream you can find many scratch recipes on line but, I love these ready mixes. If you live local you can find these at Serene Teas downtown Wheaton.

#2. The Decorations

A spot of tea and a beautiful smile are all you need.  But if you're inclined to do more, I suggest a pretty tablecloth and a small bud vase of flowers.  

#3. Crafts

I love this book from my local book store. 

It's called So Jane: recipes and crafts for an Austin inspired life. It's full of great crafts and recipes. 

I also love the templates in the back of the book!

I have a few craft ideas of my own of course. Like mod podge and old music papers on letters we buy at a local craft store.  I think we'll make the word TEA. 

Here's an example of some ABC letters I did for my music studio

so there you have it. The last thing you need is great conversation starters. 

It's easy! Simply ask,  "Do you like tea?" and  "What's your favorite Jane Austen story?"

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IF:Gathering = NOT normal

Saturday Feb 6th, 2016

I've spent the last two days at #IF:GATHERING here in Wheaton, IL.  It was not normal. It was not what I expected. It was not your run of the mill, fluffer-nutter, Christian women's conference. 

This gathering challenged my, not so missionary, never left the continent and I like it that way, heart. 

This gathering stretched my comfy pants way out there into the UN-comfy zone. I didn't like that AT ALL.  But did I need it? YES! 

Every session was a call to action. Action! Each session felt like an, "in my face" kind of challenge. 

I heard the call to spend less time crying out to God and more time simply deciding to DO SOMETHING WITH GOD.

I'm a pastor's wife for crying out loud. I'm always doing stuff. I have a list of stuff I did just last week that would blow a lay person's mind. I won't even attempt to write it all down it's ThAT Massive. 

Okay picture break while I catch my breath! I was on the planning team and brought most of my house to decorate! 

So, today? Today, my world was rocked by one word. 

I don't even remember which speaker said it or even if they actually straight out said it. But, I came away from two days of challenge with this word in my head. 

What IF I am so busy doing things 

FOR God 

that I've forgotten what it looks like to do things 

WITH God?

What's the difference between the two? 

Yeah, I believe it's a  night and day kind of difference. 

If I'm doing things for God, It's possible He hasn't even asked me to do the stuff I'm doing. Like a mom who does all the laundry and all the dishes and but forgets to sit down and look her kid in the eye and say, "What would you like to do together." 

If I'm doing things WITH God, I'm pretty sure He and I are in looking eyeball to eyeball and heart and to heart and He's saying, "Joleen, this is what I want to do together!" 

Oh Lord! I'm asking it right now! "What do you want to do WITH me? Forgive me for being so caught up in doing things for you that I forgot to ask you what you want. 

Fill me up with your living water, Fill me up with your thoughts and your will and your way. Show me how to walk WITH you. I want to be arm and arm from now on. Amen"

Okay, so it's true IF:Gathering was NOT normal it was EXTRAORDINARY!!!

Thanks IF:TEAM 

Creating an heirloom from your "art"

Few people know I have a degree in English Literature. During my undergrad years, I fell in love with Shakespeare, Wadsworth, Whitman and Dickinson. Yet, of all the famous literary figures, Emily Dickinson is the poet who most captured my attention and imagination. 

Emily's somewhat solitary life is folded up with the warm ideals of hearth, home and wandering over hills in the afternoon. It's said she kept many active correspondences and often enclosed poetry with her letters. She even hand bound forty volumes of her nearly 1,800 poems. She actually made them out of stationary paper that she folded and stitched together.

I love that. Even though she was not famous during her lifetime, she valued her own work enough to document it. This idea has inspired me. What will my children and grandchildren know of me? Yes, they may eventually own one of my three bibles with notes in the margins and drawings throughout.

But what about the other things I love like recipes and poetry and drawings? I guess, I could hope they'd find my FB files someday. But, I've decided to compile as many of these precious things into a notebook as possible.  I'm pretty sure no one will find them and try to sell them on ebay like Emily's  manuscript books  But, I do hope they will become a treasure of memories and thoughts for the next few generations. 

So here's where i've started. I bought a spiral bound multi-media book of paper. Multi-media just means you can use watercolor, pens or colored pencils. I've started with simply creating pages of my favorite birds and flowers. I plan on adding a favorite scripture verse or one of my original poems to some of the pages. 

One of my poems is inspired by Emily Dickinson's entitled HOPE.

Here is Emily's original poem: 

"Hope" is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops - at all

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm

I've heard it in the chillest land

And on the strangest Sea 

Yet, never, in Extremity,

It asked a crumb - of ME.

So, I'll keep you posted on this little project, though I suspect it will be lifelong. In the meantime, share your ideas about documenting your "art" how will you create an heirloom for the next generation of your family? Share below. I'd love to hear from you!

WHEN I COLOUR

When I colour, I ponder

I ponder

 Easing through the door of creativity

My heart slows

 My thoughts turn towards God

We sit

talking and sharing

He listens through the colours

He speaks into the silence

I hear

I smile

I colour

-Joleen

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