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Living a Joyfilled, Pastor's Wife, Life

I'm going to tell you a secret. Some of you already know it.  But here it goes...

... I LOVE BEING A PASTOR"S WIFE!

I believe it is possible to live a joy filled, pastor's wife life. 

I could give you five ways to success or lay out a strategy for implementation, but It's really not that complicated.
There's really only ONE thing you need to know. 

You are not special. 

OUCH! Sorry.
Of course you are loved and valued and treasured. What I mean to say, is let's not buy into the philosophy that says PW's are somehow living martyrs or singular victims in this fallen world. That is just where the enemy would have us.

When we get to heaven, I'm pretty sure there will not be a special Pastor's wife reception.

 In fact, I'm counting on standing shoulder to shoulder with  you and feeling such solidarity in our love for Christ that PW will no longer be a label for any of us.  I will simply be Joleen, Christ Follower. 

Pastor's wife 101: This would be my first lesson. My first challenge to you. 

Write out what is hard about being a Pastor's wife. Now write out what the blessings are of being a Pastor's wife. 

Try to put your words in their simplest form. See my example below.
Now sit down with a friend who is not a pastor's wife and ask her if she struggles with any of your issues on the left. Ask her if she enjoys some of the blessings on the right? You may be surprised to learn your friend has deeper struggles than you or that she enjoys all the same blessings you do. 

It's time to stop obsessing over our parsonage woes and choose joy. 

So how do we do that?

By recognizing we live in a fallen world with broken people.
By choosing to Thank God for the blessings we enjoy.
By leaning into Jesus and depending on Him alone to meet our deepest needs.
By staying in prayer and The Word
By remembering what Christ has done for us and all the privileges we enjoy as a result of being his children.

OOPS I just gave you five steps. Well if they help that's great.
So, my dearest PW's,
Let us live with joy this life God has given us.
I choose to live a joy filled Pastor's wife life.
How about you?

'I don't want to go back to Church!"

"I don't want to go back to Church!" Says the pastor's wife sitting across from me. Tears stream down her face. I hold her hands across the table and pray for wisdom. 

I understand how she is feeling.  I've been there.  Being the wife of a pastor is not easy.

 I sit back and listen to her breaking heart.  It's hard when the silver lining of ministry and all it's glorious ambitions come crashing down. The first time is the hardest.  

By the time we get to desert her tears have dried. 

She grips her coffee cup and exhales the words, "It would be so much easier to just get real jobs." 

"Yes, I think it would." I reply.  

"So, why haven't you guys quit yet?" She leans forward as she asks the question. I know the answer is not exactly what she wants to hear right now.  

I sip my tea slowly and say, "Because God has not given us a spirt of fear, but of strength and power and a sound mind."  2 Timothy 1:7  

No one enters the ministry thinking it will be perfect. But we're still thunderstruck by the many challenges we meet.
 Personal
Emotional
Financial
Spiritual
Physical
PW's are challenged at every level. 

Over the next few minutes I share a few of my own struggles. I am no spiritual giant. I am just like her, only a bit older. I am a bit wiser and a bit stronger.  So I share my strength and hope with her; leaning into the struggle together. 

I tell her, "When ministry weighs on us we must cling to the one who has led us here. He promises to "renew our strength" Isaiah 40:31 and to "refresh our souls." Psalm 23:1-3. "

The rate at which pastors are abandoning the church is alarming. I fear in some part it is for the sake of their wives and family.  

I am a Pastor's wife. I know the temptation to fall on my knees and beg my husband to change career tracks. But ministry is not a career. It is a calling.  I believe I am called to be my husbands wife and he is called to be a pastor.  I can not escape his calling, it is inexplicably wrapped up in who we are as a couple

So instead, I fall to my knees and I beg God to call ME. Call me again. "Oh God, call me to the work you have for me to do! Not simply because of my husbands title, but because I am your child." 

 If you are like my sweet friend: A pastor's wife who is struggling. I encourage you not to give up hope. God has appointed you to be your husbands wife. He will answer you if you cry out to Him. He understands your pain. Won't you let Him strengthen you? 

-Under the same wing,

Joleen

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3 habits for developing a healthy mentoring lifestyle

"A healthy lifestyle is one which helps you to keep and improve people's health and well-being." 

A healthy mentoring lifestyle is one which helps to keep and improve people's spiritual health and well-being." 

I'm always surprised to hear women say, "I could never be a mentor, I NEED a mentor." 

When we hide behind our desire for what we do not have, we keep that very same thing from those who need it.  

Let's be the generation that develops healthy mentoring habits! It's really not hard or even that time consuming. I've found myself mentoring over a quick cup of coffee or text message. Mentoring happens during a conversation in the church foyer or a brisk walk around the park. It doesn't have to be complicated or formal. It's as easy as changing your eating habits. 

Three habits for developing a healthy mentoring lifestyle: 

#1. Change your eating habits: 

Yup, weird, but true. What are you feeding yourself? Do you have a steady diet of FB, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat? Maybe you binge on Netflix series. Perhaps your sweet tooth can't resist hours on Pintrest's baking files.

All of these things tempt me. Sometimes, it's like a physical pain to simply close my computer and walk over to where my bible and colored pencils sit. As if there's a battle waging or something! Um.. yeah, there is a battle raging. 

Feed yourself a steady diet of The Word. If you are creative I suggest bible journalling as a great way to inspire your study time. If you are not creative, I suggest a spiral bound notebook and a good pen to write down your thoughts and ideas as you study. 

As you fill yourself up with truth, wisdom and knowledge you will find you can nourish others out of the bounty in your soul.

#2. Exercise more

Last summer, I bought myself a bright green beach bike complete with a basket and a cupholder. I loved the sunshine on my face and the opportunity to be with my son as we rode all over Wheaton. The exercise did me good in many ways.

What does exercise look like for a healthy mentoring lifestyle? You just have to DO IT. 

Invite that college girl over for desert, Ask another family to join you for a game night, Call that friend and go for a walk in the park together, Text that person that's been on your heart and go out for lunch together.  Mentoring can begin with these small exertions. Endeavor to step out of your comfort zone and exercise your mentoring muscles. You may find you are invigorated by the effort.

#3. Create a support system

Who is your greatest cheer leader? My mom is that for me. She is quick to pray with me, quote bible verses over the phone and remind me of the strength I have in Christ. 

Find at least one other person who is like minded. Let them know you are developing a Healthy mentoring lifestyle and tell them what that means for you. Ask them to pray for you and invite them to ask you how it's going periodically. 

Don't have a person in mind? Ask God to send you one. Remember that God is the foundation of this whole thing. He can be your support system if there is no physical person available. 

So, I'm certain this list is leaving you wanting more. 

You may be asking, "Where's the resources?" 

Or, "Where's the method?"

With any lifestyle change you must simply make a start. Work on these three things for awhile and see if you don't feel renewed strength and vitality coursing through your spiritual veins. As you improve your spiritual health and well-being you will discover you can't keep your transformation to yourself.  May God be glorified in you my dear sisters. 

Under the same wing,

-Joleen

Keeping your head on Sunday

If you're a PW then you totally get the title of this post. If not, then hang on to your hat as things are about to get busy!

Sunday's are unbelievable at the "Blue House" Let me walk you through.
Don't worry, I'll tell you how to stay steady and sane on the way!

8:45a.m. My friend, Chi, arrives with food for the B&B college ministry

*B&B = Bible &Breakfast

9:00 a.m. the church bus pulls up to our door to drop off eager friends

We eat breakfast and look into the word of God together. 

How do I keep my head this early in the morning? 

#1. Get someone else to bring the food. Thanks Chi! You're awesome!

#2. Clean and prep the house the night before.

 Expecting to get up in the morning and be ready is a serious mistake.

#3. Get a good night sleep the night before if at all possible

#4.. Pray for the students the night before. The chalkboard in my entry way helps me find out great stuff about each student.

10:30a.m. Church

Okay B&B is over so let's walk across the parking lot to church. Oops first let me throw the chicken and potatoes I prepped the night before into my oven so we have food for our lunch guests. 

Okay, now we can go to church.

How do I keep my head? 

#1. As I walk across the parking lot, I pray for peace and sometimes strength to be a blessing to the people inside God's house. 

#2.  I also, pop a breath mint!

11:45a.m. Lunch guests

We don't actually have lunch guests every Sunday.  But when we do it's often international students from Wheaton College. 

How do I keep my head?

#1. I serve buffet style on this "island" in the middle of my kitchen. This keeps things simple

#2. I  serve a meat, a starch like potatoes or rice, a hot veggie like peas or corn and a lettuce salad. Desert is often store bought cookies and ice cream. 

2:00p.m. guests are gone! 

Let's Nap! 

Truly one of the best ways to keep sane on a Sunday! Take a 20 min. nap!

Now the evening comes and I know this is crazy but we have two small groups that meet at our house on Sunday night. 

The first group arrives at 6:00p.m. and stays until 7:30p.m. This is an important group to me. They are the ones with whom we share most deeply. Keeping my head with them is easy! I lean on them and they pray for me. They lean on me and I pray for them.

7:45p.m. Jane & Tea night

By now, you'd think I'd be dead dog tired! Nope. Every single Sunday God gives exactly what's needed.  This is actually one of my absolute favorite activities! Friends come over and we drink tea, create some sort of simple craft and watch one hour of something we're into. Right now, it's the six hour version of Pride and Prejudice. 

How do I keep my head?

#1. Greeting the girls with joy and being honest about where I'm at physically. Sometimes, I spend more time on the couch than they do.

#2. Put out simple snacks.  I've even served tea and toast to great approval! 

10:00p.m. Fall straight into bed and sleep like a rock! 

I will admit two things that are true about me right now. 

#1. I have older children at home. 10 and 17

#2. I sleep in on Mondays and spend most of my time on the computer creating posts and resting.

 So whatever your Sunday's look like, I hope you'll find ways to stay organized and be prepared ahead of time for whatever God may have in store for you. As one dear friend said to me once, "Joleen, I suggest you pray, pray, pray some more!" 

Dear PW I say the same and I pray you can keep your head as Sunday approaches. 

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