10 ways to love the church you're in

Ten ways to love the church you're in 

BE YOURSELF

Are you creative and outgoing or quiet and introverted? Either way, embrace who you are. God will show you how to love people in your own unique way. Don't worry about what the last Pastor's wife or your Senior Pastor's wife is like. 


Being authentically you will keep your heart open to loving the church you are in.

FIND YOUR NICHE

You do not have to, nor should you do everything. Even if it's a small church. Just say no to things that seem to suck the life out of you. I know there's times to be sacrificial but committing to run the nursery, sing in the choir, organize the ladies luncheon and be on the missions committee is not sacrificial, it's downright insane! Pick one area that you really love. If what you love is soap making then invite college girls over to make soap! If you are an introvert then pray about that one woman who may also be an introvert whom you can connect with and be a blessing to. 

Finding your Niche is crucial to keeping your heart open to loving the church you are in. 

Pray for your Church

Yes, I mean it! Pray for the people you see every week. Pray for the children. Pray for the pastor! Pray for the music director. Pray for the tech. people. Pray for the elderly. Pray for the young families. Pray for single women. Pray for the single men. Pray they will find each other! Just pray. 

Praying for your church will fling the doors of your heart open to love the church you are in. 

Forgive Quickly

We live in a fallen world with fallen people. We mess up. They mess up. We are all a mess. Don't hold onto offenses. If you've been hurt so badly that you just don't think you can forgive, ask the Lord how he did it. How did he forgive those who mocked him, scorned him, betrayed him, spit on him, crucified him? Jesus will show you how to forgive.

Forgiving quickly guards your heart so you can love the church you are in.

Put some wise phrases in your pocket

Unexpected requests, comments and statements can catch us off guard. It's best to have some wise phrases ready just in case. Here's a few for you. 

"I'm sorry, I don't relay church messages to my husband. I'd hate to forget or not be precise. I'm sure you understand."

"Yes, everyone's children are works in progress. Mine are no exception. I'm so glad they are normal!" 

"I know you care deeply about this church. I do as well. Let's commit to praying for this issue. I'm confident God will reveal His heart to us."

Keeping wise phrases in your pocket provides a way for you to love the church you're in.

Invest in people B4 programs

Wow, this is a biggie. Programs and people seem to be intermingled. If you are working in youth ministry then you are investing in the youth. If you are singing on the worship team you are investing in the whole congregation. But that's not going to help you love your church. You need to be intentional about people. Who are you caring for? Who feels comfortable calling you by your first name, texting you for advice or dropping by for tea? If there is nobody, I'd like to suggest it's because you are program driven. If you are exhausted and unable to welcome anyone into your real space of life, it may be time to rethink what you're doing. Invite that  woman to go grocery shopping with you. Text that youth a bible verse and tell them you are praying. Create time to be with people outside of regular church programs. You may be surprised how encouraged you feel.

Investing in people B4 programs will drive you to love the church you're in. 

 

Remember to say Thank You!

I'm terrible at this one. I've just been through minor surgery and felt the outpouring of love from my church in the form of meals, cards and caring emails. My next priority after this post is to sit down and write out my thank you notes. REAL PAPER, thank you notes. 

Saying, "Thank you" will remind you to love the church you're in.

Invite people over!

Oh dear, I heard that groan from my introverted PW's. It's okay to keep it simple. Just a cup of coffee or tea and a store bought cake or tray of cookies will do. Throw them on a pretty plate of your own and all will be well! As far as conversation, let your talkative hubby lead.This is why you need to invite people over at least once a month... ...Because they want to know you.  Also, if you've shared a meal or a cookie with someone you will feel more comfortable sharing your wise phrases if needed. Who knows, you may just find you really like the people in your church. It is true! Inviting people over fills your heart to love the church you're in. 

Protect your family time

This should come as no surprise. It's a doozie!  How on earth do you protect your family time? It is different for every one but here's what we do. 

No technology on Sundays. Sundays are crazy enough without fighting over screen time. So our kids know Sunday afternoons are time to chill, play games and/or nap. 

No technology before or right after school. Again, so much is going on we just had to put a stop to the madness. Once homework is done and chores, then we allow limited screen time.

Guy time and Date night. Since we only have boys, they have weekly "guy time" with their dad. Dave takes them each out for a treat or outdoor activity.  Dave and I also have a weekly date night. Sometimes we call it a couch date when we are penny poor or bone weary, but we still send the boys off to do something so we can talk and drink coffee and catch up. 

Protecting your family time will keep your heart fresh to love the church you're in.

Stay in the Word

This should go without saying, but I'll be the first to admit my dedicated time to bible study easily slips away in the mayhem of ministry. Don't let the happen! Allowing the truth of the Word of God to permeate your heart is essential to all nine of the points above. If you are needing some accountability join one of our free bible studies here at PW101. Links below. 

Staying in the Word increases your ability to love the church you're in. 

Wow, if you stuck with me all the way through this list you are already well on your way to loving the church you are in. I pray you will put these ten things into practice. Feeling overwhelmed? Start with the one that seems easiest and do that. I am so glad you are a Pastor's Wife! Let's lean into Jesus together and work for His glory! 

Under the same wing,

-Joleen

Philippians study

2Timothy study

Salt and Sugar scrub: Mentoring in the kitchen

I love salt and sugar scrubs so much that my family is complaining. They would like to actually have some salt for their pasta and sugar for their tea. Ah, me! I just love it! But it really only keeps for a few weeks so I have to keep inviting people over to make and take.

This week's crew? My awesome Jane & Tea club girls! We get together every Sunday night to watch a Jane Austin inspired movie. We drink tea and do a craft and then watch our movie.

They are almost here. I can't wait for you to meet these awesome girls. I'll be back to introduce you.

Here they are! Last weeks craft was reclaimed wood signs.

I especially love the one with a house that says REFUGE. I'd like to think my home is that to these girls. They are smart, beautiful and attend the local Christian college. However, many of them are Missionary Kids who's families live in places like Ukraine, Indonesia, Japan and Germany. So, I guess thinking of my home as a refuge makes me happy.

Tonight we had six lovely ladies for Jane & Tea. So I gave each one a bowl to mix up their own scrub in.  They chose either a salt scrub or a sugar scrub. 

This darling gal will be graduating this year! It's been a joy getting to know her. I'm certain God will use her greatly wherever she goes. 

I provided colorant as well as fragrances for the girls to work with. They also had the option to add real lavender or flax seed as additional exfoliants.

So I'll share the steps as we go. The official recipes are at the bottom of this post, However, I would encourage to read our steps as we found some surprises along the way.

Step One:

Combine one cup of salt with 1/2 cup of Coconut oil

or: 1/2 cup sugar with 1/2 cup Coconut oil

Here's what we discovered: Though everyone followed step one perfectly, not everyone got the same consistency with their scrub. We didn't know if it had to do with the type of conatiners we chose. ie. metal vs. glasss. So, here's a helpful hint:  Always start with less oil than suggested and add until you have a consistency like damp sand.

Step Two:

Choose your colorant.  I had official soap colorant as well as food coloring on hand. Though food coloring is not recommended, we found it to be just as good as the other.

Hint: If you are working on creating a color from primary colors first combine them in tablespoon and mix. When you think you have what you want, add it to your scrub.

I was loving the fact that this gal's finger nails matched the color of her scrub! 

Step Three:

choose your fragrance. This may seem straight forward but we did discover a few things along the way.

- orange frangrance combined with a small bit of vanilla fragrance smells like an orange creamsicle when added to sugar scrub. WARNING: it smells like Goo Gone when added to salt scrub!

- Vanilla extract does not give you a strong enough fragrance as it's more of a flavor so avoid using it if you can.

- peppermint is a very strong fragrance and is wonderful as a salt scrub. WARNING: Peppermint stings the eyes do not use it on your face.

Step Four:

Mix everything together. We ended up using our hands and mixing for at least ten to fifteen minutes to be sure our color, fragrance and oil were thoroughly combined.

Step Five:

Label: I printed out basic labels (Free download below) I then had everyone write the name of their fragrance on the label.

Step Six: Divide scrub into containers.

If you are doing this as a group project, I recommend using zip lock snack size bags as your containers. This way you can make about five - six bags of each scrub. Everyone was able to take at least one of each scrub home.

This was such a fun project it was nine p.m. before we started our movie!

DIY is great but using it to provide "together" experiences for college girls has been so amazing. I feel like a cup of tea and a craft project and fun movie provide a place that is more like home and more like refuge for these awesome girls.  I hope you will take this idea and use it to encourage and bless someone in your life.

Here's the recipes:

Salt scrub

1 cup salt

1/2 cup coconut oil

5 drops colorant

5-8 drops fragrance 

Follow steps above

Sugar scrub

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup coconut oil

5 drops colorant

3-8 drops fragrance

Follow steps above

Free label download:

"Poured Out" for Christ. No cup of tea. Or is it?

So there's two kinds of poured out statements in the Bible, "Grace poured out",  and "poured out like a drink offering": 

I much prefer the first but the second brings it's own kind of sweetness.

Grace poured out reminds me of the beautiful aroma of a freshly brewed pot of Red Rose tea. Drinking this tea fills me with warm lovely memories and feelings.  The best thing about Red Rose is the ceramic "toy" inside. I can still feel a childish giggle in my throat every time I open a new box.

Grace poured out is like that: warm, lovely and full of joy!

Just look at these warm, lovely, joy filled verses:
1 Corinthians 15:10 Paul says, "But whatever I am now it is because God poured out his special favor on me. "
Ephesians 1:6 "So, we praise God for his glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to His dear son."
1 Timothy 1:14 "The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly."

Poured out like a drink offering does not elicit the same warm fuzzies. In fact if you read the old testament this statement is a picture of sacrifice.  References to being poured out often included the death of the creature who did the pouring.

Can we go back to Grace poured out please?

Hold on a minute. Let's look at being poured out a little closer.
Here's what the apostle Paul says,
Philippians 2:17 "But, I will rejoice, even if I loose my life pouring it out like a liquid offering to God."
2 Timothy 4:6 "As for me my life has already been poured out as an offering to God. The time of my death is near."

I want to say something so very important. It's been rattling around in my soul for several days now.  Being poured out brings a lovely warmth and joy that satisfies a deeper purpose in my life. When I choose to put aside my own discomfort, weariness or emotional baggage in order to love, serve and be with others, my heart is enlarged, my hope is sustained and my happiness increases. 

 Working with College girls is a great example of this. I've been at it for a couple of years and events like the one below bring so much joy, even when I'm tired.

Tomorrow, I am scheduled for a surgical proceedure. I've been in pain and discomfort for weeks and weeks.  Yet, yesterday, I hosted two small groups in my home. By seven last evening my body felt completely done in. The Jane and Tea club girls were arriving and I was in the bathroom crying. I could have sent them all home. I probably should have. But, I felt such love and devotion for the cheerful voices downstairs. So, I dried my tears, prayed a quick prayer and went to pour out some love grace and tea. 

Being poured out is intentional. It is the act of giving of ourselves when there is little left to give. I believe it is an act of faith.

As I joined my Jane & Tea girls, I felt renewed strength and joy. We had a lovely evening and I believe several of them truly needed to be in my home last night. The hugs as they left spoke volumes to my heart. 

I love this quote by Lilias Trotter. "There lies before us a beautiful life, One with a passion for giving that shall be poured forth to God but spent out for man." 

How about you? Will you pour forth your life to God by serving and loving those he has placed directly in your path? Don't just enjoy Grace poured out. BE POURED OUT!
You will discover a lovely warmth and sweetness in both.
Under the same wing,
-Joleen

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3 habits for developing a healthy mentoring lifestyle

"A healthy lifestyle is one which helps you to keep and improve people's health and well-being." 

A healthy mentoring lifestyle is one which helps to keep and improve people's spiritual health and well-being." 

I'm always surprised to hear women say, "I could never be a mentor, I NEED a mentor." 

When we hide behind our desire for what we do not have, we keep that very same thing from those who need it.  

Let's be the generation that develops healthy mentoring habits! It's really not hard or even that time consuming. I've found myself mentoring over a quick cup of coffee or text message. Mentoring happens during a conversation in the church foyer or a brisk walk around the park. It doesn't have to be complicated or formal. It's as easy as changing your eating habits. 

Three habits for developing a healthy mentoring lifestyle: 

#1. Change your eating habits: 

Yup, weird, but true. What are you feeding yourself? Do you have a steady diet of FB, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat? Maybe you binge on Netflix series. Perhaps your sweet tooth can't resist hours on Pintrest's baking files.

All of these things tempt me. Sometimes, it's like a physical pain to simply close my computer and walk over to where my bible and colored pencils sit. As if there's a battle waging or something! Um.. yeah, there is a battle raging. 

Feed yourself a steady diet of The Word. If you are creative I suggest bible journalling as a great way to inspire your study time. If you are not creative, I suggest a spiral bound notebook and a good pen to write down your thoughts and ideas as you study. 

As you fill yourself up with truth, wisdom and knowledge you will find you can nourish others out of the bounty in your soul.

#2. Exercise more

Last summer, I bought myself a bright green beach bike complete with a basket and a cupholder. I loved the sunshine on my face and the opportunity to be with my son as we rode all over Wheaton. The exercise did me good in many ways.

What does exercise look like for a healthy mentoring lifestyle? You just have to DO IT. 

Invite that college girl over for desert, Ask another family to join you for a game night, Call that friend and go for a walk in the park together, Text that person that's been on your heart and go out for lunch together.  Mentoring can begin with these small exertions. Endeavor to step out of your comfort zone and exercise your mentoring muscles. You may find you are invigorated by the effort.

#3. Create a support system

Who is your greatest cheer leader? My mom is that for me. She is quick to pray with me, quote bible verses over the phone and remind me of the strength I have in Christ. 

Find at least one other person who is like minded. Let them know you are developing a Healthy mentoring lifestyle and tell them what that means for you. Ask them to pray for you and invite them to ask you how it's going periodically. 

Don't have a person in mind? Ask God to send you one. Remember that God is the foundation of this whole thing. He can be your support system if there is no physical person available. 

So, I'm certain this list is leaving you wanting more. 

You may be asking, "Where's the resources?" 

Or, "Where's the method?"

With any lifestyle change you must simply make a start. Work on these three things for awhile and see if you don't feel renewed strength and vitality coursing through your spiritual veins. As you improve your spiritual health and well-being you will discover you can't keep your transformation to yourself.  May God be glorified in you my dear sisters. 

Under the same wing,

-Joleen

Keeping your head on Sunday

If you're a PW then you totally get the title of this post. If not, then hang on to your hat as things are about to get busy!

Sunday's are unbelievable at the "Blue House" Let me walk you through.
Don't worry, I'll tell you how to stay steady and sane on the way!

8:45a.m. My friend, Chi, arrives with food for the B&B college ministry

*B&B = Bible &Breakfast

9:00 a.m. the church bus pulls up to our door to drop off eager friends

We eat breakfast and look into the word of God together. 

How do I keep my head this early in the morning? 

#1. Get someone else to bring the food. Thanks Chi! You're awesome!

#2. Clean and prep the house the night before.

 Expecting to get up in the morning and be ready is a serious mistake.

#3. Get a good night sleep the night before if at all possible

#4.. Pray for the students the night before. The chalkboard in my entry way helps me find out great stuff about each student.

10:30a.m. Church

Okay B&B is over so let's walk across the parking lot to church. Oops first let me throw the chicken and potatoes I prepped the night before into my oven so we have food for our lunch guests. 

Okay, now we can go to church.

How do I keep my head? 

#1. As I walk across the parking lot, I pray for peace and sometimes strength to be a blessing to the people inside God's house. 

#2.  I also, pop a breath mint!

11:45a.m. Lunch guests

We don't actually have lunch guests every Sunday.  But when we do it's often international students from Wheaton College. 

How do I keep my head?

#1. I serve buffet style on this "island" in the middle of my kitchen. This keeps things simple

#2. I  serve a meat, a starch like potatoes or rice, a hot veggie like peas or corn and a lettuce salad. Desert is often store bought cookies and ice cream. 

2:00p.m. guests are gone! 

Let's Nap! 

Truly one of the best ways to keep sane on a Sunday! Take a 20 min. nap!

Now the evening comes and I know this is crazy but we have two small groups that meet at our house on Sunday night. 

The first group arrives at 6:00p.m. and stays until 7:30p.m. This is an important group to me. They are the ones with whom we share most deeply. Keeping my head with them is easy! I lean on them and they pray for me. They lean on me and I pray for them.

7:45p.m. Jane & Tea night

By now, you'd think I'd be dead dog tired! Nope. Every single Sunday God gives exactly what's needed.  This is actually one of my absolute favorite activities! Friends come over and we drink tea, create some sort of simple craft and watch one hour of something we're into. Right now, it's the six hour version of Pride and Prejudice. 

How do I keep my head?

#1. Greeting the girls with joy and being honest about where I'm at physically. Sometimes, I spend more time on the couch than they do.

#2. Put out simple snacks.  I've even served tea and toast to great approval! 

10:00p.m. Fall straight into bed and sleep like a rock! 

I will admit two things that are true about me right now. 

#1. I have older children at home. 10 and 17

#2. I sleep in on Mondays and spend most of my time on the computer creating posts and resting.

 So whatever your Sunday's look like, I hope you'll find ways to stay organized and be prepared ahead of time for whatever God may have in store for you. As one dear friend said to me once, "Joleen, I suggest you pray, pray, pray some more!" 

Dear PW I say the same and I pray you can keep your head as Sunday approaches. 

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