10 ways to love the church you're in

Ten ways to love the church you're in 

BE YOURSELF

Are you creative and outgoing or quiet and introverted? Either way, embrace who you are. God will show you how to love people in your own unique way. Don't worry about what the last Pastor's wife or your Senior Pastor's wife is like. 


Being authentically you will keep your heart open to loving the church you are in.

FIND YOUR NICHE

You do not have to, nor should you do everything. Even if it's a small church. Just say no to things that seem to suck the life out of you. I know there's times to be sacrificial but committing to run the nursery, sing in the choir, organize the ladies luncheon and be on the missions committee is not sacrificial, it's downright insane! Pick one area that you really love. If what you love is soap making then invite college girls over to make soap! If you are an introvert then pray about that one woman who may also be an introvert whom you can connect with and be a blessing to. 

Finding your Niche is crucial to keeping your heart open to loving the church you are in. 

Pray for your Church

Yes, I mean it! Pray for the people you see every week. Pray for the children. Pray for the pastor! Pray for the music director. Pray for the tech. people. Pray for the elderly. Pray for the young families. Pray for single women. Pray for the single men. Pray they will find each other! Just pray. 

Praying for your church will fling the doors of your heart open to love the church you are in. 

Forgive Quickly

We live in a fallen world with fallen people. We mess up. They mess up. We are all a mess. Don't hold onto offenses. If you've been hurt so badly that you just don't think you can forgive, ask the Lord how he did it. How did he forgive those who mocked him, scorned him, betrayed him, spit on him, crucified him? Jesus will show you how to forgive.

Forgiving quickly guards your heart so you can love the church you are in.

Put some wise phrases in your pocket

Unexpected requests, comments and statements can catch us off guard. It's best to have some wise phrases ready just in case. Here's a few for you. 

"I'm sorry, I don't relay church messages to my husband. I'd hate to forget or not be precise. I'm sure you understand."

"Yes, everyone's children are works in progress. Mine are no exception. I'm so glad they are normal!" 

"I know you care deeply about this church. I do as well. Let's commit to praying for this issue. I'm confident God will reveal His heart to us."

Keeping wise phrases in your pocket provides a way for you to love the church you're in.

Invest in people B4 programs

Wow, this is a biggie. Programs and people seem to be intermingled. If you are working in youth ministry then you are investing in the youth. If you are singing on the worship team you are investing in the whole congregation. But that's not going to help you love your church. You need to be intentional about people. Who are you caring for? Who feels comfortable calling you by your first name, texting you for advice or dropping by for tea? If there is nobody, I'd like to suggest it's because you are program driven. If you are exhausted and unable to welcome anyone into your real space of life, it may be time to rethink what you're doing. Invite that  woman to go grocery shopping with you. Text that youth a bible verse and tell them you are praying. Create time to be with people outside of regular church programs. You may be surprised how encouraged you feel.

Investing in people B4 programs will drive you to love the church you're in. 

 

Remember to say Thank You!

I'm terrible at this one. I've just been through minor surgery and felt the outpouring of love from my church in the form of meals, cards and caring emails. My next priority after this post is to sit down and write out my thank you notes. REAL PAPER, thank you notes. 

Saying, "Thank you" will remind you to love the church you're in.

Invite people over!

Oh dear, I heard that groan from my introverted PW's. It's okay to keep it simple. Just a cup of coffee or tea and a store bought cake or tray of cookies will do. Throw them on a pretty plate of your own and all will be well! As far as conversation, let your talkative hubby lead.This is why you need to invite people over at least once a month... ...Because they want to know you.  Also, if you've shared a meal or a cookie with someone you will feel more comfortable sharing your wise phrases if needed. Who knows, you may just find you really like the people in your church. It is true! Inviting people over fills your heart to love the church you're in. 

Protect your family time

This should come as no surprise. It's a doozie!  How on earth do you protect your family time? It is different for every one but here's what we do. 

No technology on Sundays. Sundays are crazy enough without fighting over screen time. So our kids know Sunday afternoons are time to chill, play games and/or nap. 

No technology before or right after school. Again, so much is going on we just had to put a stop to the madness. Once homework is done and chores, then we allow limited screen time.

Guy time and Date night. Since we only have boys, they have weekly "guy time" with their dad. Dave takes them each out for a treat or outdoor activity.  Dave and I also have a weekly date night. Sometimes we call it a couch date when we are penny poor or bone weary, but we still send the boys off to do something so we can talk and drink coffee and catch up. 

Protecting your family time will keep your heart fresh to love the church you're in.

Stay in the Word

This should go without saying, but I'll be the first to admit my dedicated time to bible study easily slips away in the mayhem of ministry. Don't let the happen! Allowing the truth of the Word of God to permeate your heart is essential to all nine of the points above. If you are needing some accountability join one of our free bible studies here at PW101. Links below. 

Staying in the Word increases your ability to love the church you're in. 

Wow, if you stuck with me all the way through this list you are already well on your way to loving the church you are in. I pray you will put these ten things into practice. Feeling overwhelmed? Start with the one that seems easiest and do that. I am so glad you are a Pastor's Wife! Let's lean into Jesus together and work for His glory! 

Under the same wing,

-Joleen

Philippians study

2Timothy study

Keeping your head on Sunday

If you're a PW then you totally get the title of this post. If not, then hang on to your hat as things are about to get busy!

Sunday's are unbelievable at the "Blue House" Let me walk you through.
Don't worry, I'll tell you how to stay steady and sane on the way!

8:45a.m. My friend, Chi, arrives with food for the B&B college ministry

*B&B = Bible &Breakfast

9:00 a.m. the church bus pulls up to our door to drop off eager friends

We eat breakfast and look into the word of God together. 

How do I keep my head this early in the morning? 

#1. Get someone else to bring the food. Thanks Chi! You're awesome!

#2. Clean and prep the house the night before.

 Expecting to get up in the morning and be ready is a serious mistake.

#3. Get a good night sleep the night before if at all possible

#4.. Pray for the students the night before. The chalkboard in my entry way helps me find out great stuff about each student.

10:30a.m. Church

Okay B&B is over so let's walk across the parking lot to church. Oops first let me throw the chicken and potatoes I prepped the night before into my oven so we have food for our lunch guests. 

Okay, now we can go to church.

How do I keep my head? 

#1. As I walk across the parking lot, I pray for peace and sometimes strength to be a blessing to the people inside God's house. 

#2.  I also, pop a breath mint!

11:45a.m. Lunch guests

We don't actually have lunch guests every Sunday.  But when we do it's often international students from Wheaton College. 

How do I keep my head?

#1. I serve buffet style on this "island" in the middle of my kitchen. This keeps things simple

#2. I  serve a meat, a starch like potatoes or rice, a hot veggie like peas or corn and a lettuce salad. Desert is often store bought cookies and ice cream. 

2:00p.m. guests are gone! 

Let's Nap! 

Truly one of the best ways to keep sane on a Sunday! Take a 20 min. nap!

Now the evening comes and I know this is crazy but we have two small groups that meet at our house on Sunday night. 

The first group arrives at 6:00p.m. and stays until 7:30p.m. This is an important group to me. They are the ones with whom we share most deeply. Keeping my head with them is easy! I lean on them and they pray for me. They lean on me and I pray for them.

7:45p.m. Jane & Tea night

By now, you'd think I'd be dead dog tired! Nope. Every single Sunday God gives exactly what's needed.  This is actually one of my absolute favorite activities! Friends come over and we drink tea, create some sort of simple craft and watch one hour of something we're into. Right now, it's the six hour version of Pride and Prejudice. 

How do I keep my head?

#1. Greeting the girls with joy and being honest about where I'm at physically. Sometimes, I spend more time on the couch than they do.

#2. Put out simple snacks.  I've even served tea and toast to great approval! 

10:00p.m. Fall straight into bed and sleep like a rock! 

I will admit two things that are true about me right now. 

#1. I have older children at home. 10 and 17

#2. I sleep in on Mondays and spend most of my time on the computer creating posts and resting.

 So whatever your Sunday's look like, I hope you'll find ways to stay organized and be prepared ahead of time for whatever God may have in store for you. As one dear friend said to me once, "Joleen, I suggest you pray, pray, pray some more!" 

Dear PW I say the same and I pray you can keep your head as Sunday approaches. 

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The Pastor's Wife's First Sunday

Post #2

Hi, come on in and sit down for a bit. The tea is poured and my mom is ready to share a story with you. You’ll love her. She’s been a pastor’s wife for over 50 years. Her experiences will make you laugh, and encourage your soul.  So, here’s your cuppa tea.  We’re glad you’re here.

First Sunday

By Doreen Babcock

October 12th, 1963. I married my husband that day. I could hardly believe this energetic, faith filled man of God loved me. Me, a farmers daughter, new to the faith and more than a little rough around the edges. But, God saw, and I believe he smiled at the amazing life of adventure planned for me.

My first Sunday evening as a Pastor’s wife I just about lost my temper.

Seven months pregnant and truly uncomfortable, I stood chatting with a parishioner.  A youngster walked over and gazed at my belly. He balled up his fist and punched me straight in the gut.

Without missing a beat, I grabbed him by the arm and hissed in his ear, “if you EVER do that again, I will break every bone in your body!”

Then I stood up smiling and continued my conversation as if nothing had happened.

Afterwards, I worried about my response. What if the lady heard me and complained? What if the little boy told his mother? I feared my role as pastor’s wife could be short lived. This would not be the first time I lost my temper with someone in the church.  I often worried that I’d be the cause of our financial ruin and we’d end up on the streets. I prayed God would help me to do better.

 Pastor’s wife classes, books and conferences did not exist in 1963. If they did exist, I had no way of finding them.  The word of God became my manual. I depended on it to help me navigate my own insecurities.

I frequently turned to Psalm 139 for comfort and instruction. If you have your bible, why don’t you turn there with me. Read it out loud while I catch my breath and sip my tea.

Psalm 139

1 

You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.

2 

You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 

Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.

5 

You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.

6 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

50 years later as I reflect on my behavior of that first day, all I can say is, “Thank you Lord that you have brought me gently to maturity.”

My dear, if you are worried about your life as a pastor’s wife, take courage. If God can help this rough edged farmers daughter, He can help you. Turn to Him, stay in the Word and come back soon to chat with me. How can I pray for you? Let me know in the comments section below. My daughter and I will commit you to the Lord in prayer.

-Blessings, Doreen