Hosting a neighborhood party! Part 1: The Invitations

We are the Steels. That's not our house behind us. This is just one of the only pictures of the two of us without our kiddos. This post is about us. Well, sort of. It's actually about our neighborhood porch party! Come join us on this adventure as we launch bravely across the lawn to knock on the next door strangers door. We hope we won't be strangers for long.

About a month ago my somewhat introverted husband, Dave, said it bothered him to think that after three years we knew only two of our neighbors.  

He said, “God would have us be a light in our neighborhood.”

I said, "I am a light. I light candles every night on the front porch."

He said, “We ought to be in community with people who need to hear the good news.” 

I said, "There's like two thousand people on our front lawn every fourth of July for our church outreach event."

Then he said, “We should host a neighborhood party!”

I said, "We have "neighbors", they're really church friends, on our porch every week!"

My heart sank at the thought of what “we” would have to do to pull this off. However, after dragging my feet and complaining about the cons of this idea, I finally asked God what He would have me do.

Duh! 

As if God would say, “Why no Joleen, I don’t think you should reach out to your neighbors.” 

 
So, I set to the task of making invitations. Now, if you are reading this and thinking you will try this idea, let me tell you something about myself. I seem incapable of doing anything simply.  I would suggest going to the store and purchasing some blank invitations and hand writing your invitations. But here’s what I did.

I love to draw and so I went a little crazy with mine. I created a unique work of art for each invitation. I adhered them to the blank invitations.  

Here’s what the inside looked like: I printed this on my computer and adhered it to the inside of the invitations.  I did end up hand writing our names under the picture. I also wrote RSVP: and my phone number. I sort of forgot to put those two things on the invite. Ooops!

I purchased a large bunch of flowers from local grocery store.  Then I created small nosegays. 

nose·gay: "a small bunch of flowers, typically one that is sweet smelling"

I hoped this beautiful basket would help our neighbors feel curious enough to open the door for us. It actually worked! We met 10 of our 12 neighbors today!  

My husband and I walked to each neighbors house. He rang the door bell and did most of the talking. I offered the nosegay and invitation.  Every neighbor we met seemed delighted to make our acquaintance!

I am already looking forward to our party. I have some great ideas for making the evening beautiful and pleasant. Our party is not for two weeks though. You’ll have to come back then to see and hear how it all went. I can assure of one thing. There will be TEA! 

There’s no place like home and How to make a ruby sipper!

That’s not a typo. I really am going to teach you how to make a ruby sipper. I found this awesome tea at my local tea shop. If you live local I’ll put all their links at the bottom of this post. Be sure to drop in and tell them I sent you! 

I admit it. I am a rotten house keeper. I’d truly rather sit around sipping tea all day.

The only way, I can keep my house clean is to turn my chores into an all out remodel. 

Anyone who really knows me will tell you my living room never looks the same way twice. I love rearranging furniture!  So, at some point in my domestic life, I figured out that if I rearrange the furniture it forces me to do a thorough vacuuming and dusting. Once I get in this cleaning mode, I often end up doing the other major chores, like cleaning bathrooms and folding laundry.  

I am married to a fastidiously neat man who has over the years learned how to live with me in a gracious and forgiving manner. So glad! Love ya Babe!

Despite my housekeeping challenges, I love my home. As a pastor’s wife, I’ve lived in many houses and I’ve turned every one of them into a home. It’s not enough for me to just unpack boxes. I, like so many of you, strive to create an environment of comfort and peace and ... home.  Here’s a few picts of my favorite places we’ve lived.

See that window to the left of the front door? That’s where I lay curled up in a weeping ball all alone. It was our last day there and I was waiting for the people who’d purchased my beloved grand piano. I’d played and wept over it’s keys for an hour before I could bear it no longer. So, I curled up in a corner near that window and cried and cried for the loss of this darling house and all the memories we’d made there. God saw me and I believe He held me and whispered. “Joleen, this is not your home! I am your home. Where I am and where I go is your home.” 

Sure enough, God moved with me to a new house and then again to a new house with a new ministry. Here is the house we live in right now. It’s not ours. It is a parsonage. 

God has helped me turn this new house into a home. My husband and my boys live in this new home, my tea things are with me, my new beautiful upright grand piano is with me (a story for another time) and most importantly, My God is with me. He is my home. 

You see it doesn’t matter what our address is. Where ever God places us, that is home.  

People come and go. houses come and go. But my home is constant. He is always with me and will never leave me. For as He is my home, I am His. Praise be to God!

So, now that we are home. Let’s put on the kettle and make some of this new tea I found at my local tea shop. It is actually called Ruby Sipper! It’s made out of blood oranges and fruit. It has a very tart, tangy flavor. I actually made it with honey today because my boys both are home with sore throats. They loved it!  So, here’s how I did it. 

You know as well as I that someday we will truly be home. This earth is just a shadow of the beauty of our real home with God. For now, I encourage you to thank God for whatever house you are living in right now. Then I hope you will give that brick and mortar abode up to Christ knowing that it is not truly your home at all.  Thank the Lord for being the one who is your true home. Rest in Him today as you drink your ruby sipper. 

Ah...there’s no place like home! 

Here's my awesome local tea shop! Be sure to drop by their website or their store if you can! 

http://www.sereneteaz.com/  

Here's just a few pictures they let me take today of their beautiful store. 

Mining for precious resources: Fulfilling our ministry!

If the enemy can defeat us anywhere as women, it is in our unmet expectations and emotions. How many times have you found yourself saying one of these statements?

“I just can’t do this anymore!”

“I’m so hurt and disillusioned!”

“I feel like I must be crazy!”

Each one of these statements reveals more about ourselves than it does our situation. They reveal our need for God’s healing presence. God alone can renew our tired, hurting, disillusioned hearts.

I know, you know how much I love tea by now. So let me go put on the kettle while you get your bible. It's going to be worthwhile reading for sure! 

There now, I picked out my pink china and some vanilla rooibos tea for us to share. Let's settle in on the porch together, shall we?

Mining for precious resources:  Fulfilling our ministry!

By Joleen Steel

Paul has something to say about suffering to Timothy.  

He doesn’t pat Timothy on the back and say, “Poor dear you’ve been through so much!” He doesn’t give Timothy permission to hang it up and walk away. Instead, Paul commands Timothy to endure and to be diligent and to work hard to fulfill his ministry. 

Check out these verses. 2Timothy 1:8-9/2:1-3/2:15/3:14/4:1-2/4:5.

Psstt! If you have not been following along with our 2 Timothy study, I encourage you to do so. Here's the link:http://pastorswife101blog.blogspot.com/p/2-timothy-study.html

Is it possible we’ve allowed the work God’s given us to be muddied by our unmet expectations and emotional baggage?

Is it possible we think we can't take it anymore because we refuse to turn into the arms of Christ for the strength to continue? 

Is it possible we are disillusioned because our perspective of what it means to be in ministry is all wrong? 

Finally is it possible we think we are going crazy because we refuse to sit down and listen to the sound words and judgements of our Lord? 

My dear PW's we all need the healing balm of Christ's presence.  

Where will we find it? 

In the silent moments of our mornings spent with the Word of God. In the daily practice of acknowledging His presence.  In the crying out from our pillows to Him at night.  He will meet us! He will strengthen us. 

When God calls his people to do the work of the ministry it is not for our glory or even for our comfort. 

We are much like  miners, called to go deep into the bowels of the earth to scrape and dig and sweat to find a precious resource. The miners are  paid a modest wage for their toil. They are not made wealthy by the work. It’s unlikely they are physically comfortable. No, the work is hard and pays little. Yet, the miners faithfully pursue the precious resources, knowing they will benefit others. 

Salvation is God’s precious resource. Sanctification of the saints is another. As believers in Christ Jesus we are called to mine the precious resources of grace, love, patience, diligence and more for the sake of the cross. 

I love how Paul lavishes love on Timothy while at the same time telling him to work hard, endure suffering and to fulfill his ministry. I hope you feel that from me. My heart beats for you.  My desire is for us to see ourselves as dearly beloved by Christ and then as workmen, or working women if you wish. Whatever, God has called you to do in your role. Do it with conviction and grace. 

Are we crazy for pursuing this life as a pastor’s wife? 
Yes! 

I hope you are crazy for God’s good will and purpose to be fulfilled on this earth. 

I hope you are crazy for God’s people to become all that God intends them for them. 

I am crazy about you dear PW! Here is me giving you a hug! 

So as Paul said to Timothy, I say to you. endure suffering, work hard, fulfill your ministry!

“Yes”, you say, “But how are we to do it?”

You can not in your own strength. You must submit to the heat of God’s hand. Allow him to mold you and teach you. Open the Word. Get in the posture of prayer. Submit to His presence and He will give you power, love and a sound mind.

Under the same wing,Joleen

(Scroll down to read about ironing the wrinkles out of our hearts. I think it will encourage you.)

Ironing out the wrinkles in your heart: Finding strength for ministry

Well tomorrow is Sunday. I'm getting ready for guests and ironing my tablecloths and tea cloths. Before I tell you the amazing things God taught me while I ironed, here's a little tutorial on how to achieve the most beautifully fragrant, pressed table cloths and tea towels. 

Ironing out the wrinkles in your heart: 

Finding strength for ministry

By Joleen Steel

Sometimes I feel like the wrinkled up tablecloths and napkins in my linen closet. I know I am meant to be beautiful and useful, but I feel all balled up with the wrinkly cares of life. So, I shrink from the tiresome routines, preferring to draw into the corner. I resist being washed and ironed out of fear. It's likely someone will wipe their mouth on me and wrinkle me up again anyway.  

Do you feel the temptation to withdraw from the ministry God has placed before you? Do you just want to run away from the pressure of it all? Do you tire of people wiping their expectations, disappointments and personal agendas on you as if you were their own personal tea towel?

I understand that. My heart hurts for you. I wish I could sit with you and let you pour it all out. I wish I could reach across the table and hold your hand and cry with you and pray with you. 

Instead, let me encourage you as The Lord encouraged me this week. 

God often speaks to me through the mundane tasks of life. This week I had a decision to make regarding ministry.  I felt so torn up about it that I did something I rarely do. I ironed stuff! Truly, I hate ironing! 

Because I have guests coming,  I needed to iron my tablecloths and tea towels anyway. So, I set to it with determination and began complaining and ranting to God. Some would call this prayer. I call it a conversation.  

I told God how tired I was of being used like a tea towel.  

He told me he understood. 

I shared my pain and fear. 

He shared his presence and love. 

Then he showed me the wrinkly tea towel in front of me and the iron in my hand. I sprayed the fragrant spray starch and began pressing the hot iron across the beautiful pattern. 

In that moment, I saw my need to submit to the heat of God’s touch. I felt Him smoothing out my crinkly attitudes. I sensed the fragrance of His spirit filling my heart. I recalled a verse in Psalm and began speaking the words out loud. 

Psalm 51:10 -13

Create in me a clean heart, O God,And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

 Do not cast me away from Your presenceAnd do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of Your salvationAnd sustain me with a willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,And sinners will be converted to You.

Light is shining on my freshly pressed, fragrantly beautiful tea towels.  They are ready to be used again. I feel the same. Though, it will not be easy.  Mostly likely my efforts will end with God washing out some hurt and ironing a few new wrinkles. But, I am confident that He will renew me and make me useful for His service every time I ask. 

Will you submit to the pressure of God’s hand? Will you allow him to iron your crinkly corners and fill you with the fragrance of his love? 

If so, let's pray together right now.

Dear God, You see my wrinkly heart.  You know my desire to withdraw and hide. I submit my heart to the heat and pressure of your hand. I thank you for the fragrance of your Holy Spirit. Thank you for making me beautiful and useful for you. I praise you for the strength found in you. Help me Lord, to lead and love as you would.  - Amen

Oh, how beautiful you are! Just like a freshly pressed tea towel.

PW101: Navigating Change as a Pastor's Wife.

This is my momma! She's navigated change for over 70 years. Her courage and testimony are an inspiration to me. 

Mom loves coffee, so in honor of her we'll make some coffee at my coffee station. Come settle in to this cozy corner with me to hear her story of navigating change.  During her fifty years as a PW, mom moved no less than twenty times, raised four kids and reinvented herself more than once. Yeah, I’d say she knows a thing or two about navigating change. 

Navigating Change

By Doreen Babcock

My husband was a Church Planter. He loved to move into a community and start a church from scratch. He'd knock on doors, 

lead people to Christ, and pray for leaders. Once the church seemed strong enough he would  hand it off. This meant we moved every 2-5 yrs.  

As a young mother with four young children I found it difficult to navigate all the changes a move entailed. New schools, communities, Drs, hairdressers, and yes, new cultural habits, were never easy.  

Sometimes the new "church" began with our family of six and one other family. 

Here we are. Do you think my children adorable? I do.

We met in schools, hotels, houses, wherever we found space.  Only once did we have the comfort of a church building with real pews and class rooms. A real luxury and we weekly counted it a Blessing!

Nothing ever stayed the same for long. Change always came. Sometimes it came quickly, with happy outcomes. Sometimes it came with great pain and at great cost. 

 Are you facing yet another change in your life? 

I'm so sorry. I know it's difficult. 

I know what it's like to face change with little warning, Schedules, cancellations, and emergencies caused my husband to miss events he longed to be part of. You know how that feels, don't you? Here comes the anger, the questions, the bitter thoughts. I remember them well. 

 I discovered a crucial lesson in the midst of my changes. 

I want to share it with you. It may be a life altering idea. 

In the midst of all the change is it possible that
God is changing you?

I know I am not the rough edged farmers daughter I used to be. How did that happen? 
I accepted the difficulties, disappointments and struggles of my every day circumstances as part of God's good purpose for molding me into who He intended me to become. 

I know it's by His grace alone that I am not a bitter old woman. There are some Pastor's wives who chose that path. I've met a few who allowed the pain to rot inside. My dear, please don't go down that thorny, painful path. Instead turn your thoughts to what you were born for. You were born for Christ! You were born to serve the Living God! 

Maybe you feel you were not born to be a Pastor's wife. I disagree. You are Christ's child. He sees you and knows you. He elected you to marry your husband and so he elected you to be your husband's wife. The Pastor's wife. 

Your change may seem like a fiery ordeal. A crucible to hot to endure. But be courageous. Allow it to mold you into a pure and useful vessel.  When the pain becomes to much and you fear bitterness may be taking ahold. I encourage you to do these things: 

 #1. Journal - write it down, cry out to God on the page and then delete it or burn it if you must. But, let it out into the safe, loving arms of God.

 #2. Rely on your husband - he's hurting as well. Turn into his arms and weep together. Mourning for awhile is okay and even expected. 

#3. Open your bible - even if it's pages seem cold and distant. God's still small voice is most often heard in the howling winds of change, listen for it in His ever constant, faithful Word.

This is how you navigate change. This is how you will look back on your life and say, "God has been faithful. Look at what He has done." 

My daughter and I would love to lift you up in prayer and encourage you.  If you don't want to comment on this blog you can friend Joleen Steel on Face Book and ask her to add you to the secret PW101 FB page.  

Blessings to you dear PW. 

Love, Doreen and Joleen

Queens Vs. Soldiers: Becoming the Pastor's wife you were meant to be

Queens Vs. Soldiers:

Becoming the Pastor’s wife you were meant to be.

by Joleen Steel

Well, my dear PW’s I’ve been studying and praying through the book of 2 Timothy in preparation for our chat today. You will need your bible, a piece of paper and pen. I’ll go put on the kettle while you get ready. Let’s meet back here in a minute.

Okay, ready? Here’s your tea. I love almonds and dates with my tea. Help yourself!.

Can we start with prayer? Let’s ask the great teacher to be with us.

Dear Lord,

We come to you as your children. Open our hearts to hear from you today. I pray your spirit will be felt in this time together. We submit ourselves to you. Amen.

So, who are you as a pastor’s wife? For example, are you a queen?  A first lady? Perhaps a shepherds maid? I know many of us would say, we are help mates or partners in ministry. This is true. However, I want us to get a bit deeper. Let’s try a little exercise. I’ll say a few words and you write your first thought. Ready?

Elders
Deacons
Board Meetings
Church people

If you are honest it’s likely the first words you wrote were:

Demanding
Grouchy
Annoying
Hurtful
Dangerous

Without negating the pain some of us have felt at the words and actions of God’s people, I propose the real problem is not with church people. Deep down, we have set ourselves up as Queens who demand loyalty and require special treatment. We are First Ladies wielding power and attempting to sway the voters in our “Presidents” favor. We are lowly Shepherds maids, afraid of the future and antagonistic about the present.

It’s unlikely you’ve assigned any of these labels to yourself knowingly.  But do any of these thoughts seem familiar.

Queens think:

“Look at all we’ve done for them and this is how they treat us?”

“I can’t believe they didn’t do a thing for Pastor’s appreciation month. We deserve better than this!”

First Ladies think:

“The elders had better vote in favor of my husbands agenda or I am going to make some noise!”

“These people need strong leadership. It’s certainly a good thing we’re here to shape things up.”

Shepherd maids think:

“I’m so unworthy of this job. It’s only a matter of time before they find out how incompetent I am.”

“I am sick and tired of cleaning house and hosting meetings!”

The temptation to all three titles lies within each of us. Especially when we are afraid or feel betrayed.

Paul suggested three better titles to Timothy. Open your bible and let’s take a look. Read 2 Timothy 2: 2-7 Put a circle around the word soldier in vs.3 &4 then circle the word Athlete in vs. 5 and farmer in vs. 6.

On a piece of paper, or in the margin of your bible write the three words. Observe the text. Under each word write everything you can observe about each word. For example the soldier is ‘good” and is told to “suffer hardship.” What else do you see? What does a soldier do or not do? Write that down. Who does he wish to please? Okay, how about the Athlete? What does he do? What’s the only way for him to win the prize?  Now the farmer, What words describe him? What does he receive? When should he receive it?

Good work! Who knew you’d be doing bible study today, aye?

So, a soldier thinks:

“I won’t become entangled in this quarrel.”

“I will work hard and endure this for the sake of the one who enlisted me.”

“These people may find freedom because of my actions today.”

An Athlete thinks:

“I can work through this pain. I won’t give up. I will compete today.”

“They are breaking the rules. But, I will train harder and stay focused on the prize.”

A Farmer thinks:

“I will get up early tomorrow to water the seeds I planted.”

“It’s a tough season but I can’t stop working to save the crops.”

How about it? Will you join me in changing our positions from queen, first lady and shepherd’s maid, to soldier, athlete and farmer?

I can tell you a quick story of how this looked this week for me. In short, I have been ill with a horrible croupy cough, fevers and headaches for ten days. In that ten day time there have been no less than four church type meetings on my front porch. Each time, I tidied my house, greeted our guests, poured tea and retreated graciously into the house. How could I do that if I were a queen? Nope, this week I was the soldier who refused to become entangled in selfish thinking. I was the athlete who endured and competed. I was the hard-working farmer who realized that caring for the “crops” is just part of a good days work.

No, it’s not because of my awesome character. It’s only the time I’ve spent in the Word, listening and praying. God has done this! God has given me a new song!

It’s time to let God drive out bitterness and fear. Allow His word to change our attitudes towards his people. We must not sit in the dark licking our wounds and whining to each other. Let us work hard, endure suffering, and “Kindle afresh the gift of God” which is in us. 2 Tim 1:6

If you find yourself recoiling at these words because of personal pain or betrayal. I encourage you to find safe places to cry out to God. Get a journal and talk to God about it. Contact us and we will pray for you. We are already praying for you to become the Pastor’s wife God means you to be.

love, Joleen and Doreen.

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How to navigate the first 6 months as a Pastor's Wife

Post #4:

“Hi, Come join me on my porch. I have few minutes before I have to run some errands. Let’s sit for a bit and talk about this new ministry God is leading you to.

How to navigate the first six months at your new

 church:  Part 1

It has been decided! You will join the choir!” said, a sweet, well meaning parishioner.

“Oh, I see!” I chuckled.  “I really like deciding those things on my own. I’m not ready to join anything just yet, but thanks so much for inviting me!”

After twenty years of ministry, I usually go into a new church with a plan for such startling interactions. It’s not a steadfast formula but I’ve found it helpful. Would you like to know what it is?

Oh, I hear the teapot boiling. Let me go get our tea!

Here we go. Nothing like a spot of tea to keep us calm aye! 

Yes, these tea things are beautiful. A group of ladies from our last church threw me a going away party and gave them to me. These things remind me of the importance of spending time with people. Those ladies and I grew close and I treasure the memories with them.

Okay, so we were talking about a plan for the fist six months.

The First Month: Grace & Boundaries

Most churches will welcome you with great excitement. You may receive help moving in, meals for the first week and many visitors. Be ready to be loved on! The first few days are often hectic but wonderful!  If you are an introvert, all this loving may feel overwhelming. Be ready to set boundaries if needed. Keep in mind, your new church is excited you are here. Be gracious and let them help you in ways you most need it.

Here’s a few statements you may find helpful in the first month.

“Thanks for dropping by, we are a bit out of sorts right now. I’m looking forward to visiting with you in a few weeks.”

“I’m sorry, we are not ready for visitors yet. Would you like to meet somewhere for coffee or go to the park with our kids? I’d love to get out of the house for a bit.”

“You know what I really need? Help finding the grocery stores, school offices and library.  Would you be able to help me with that?”

I’ve only used this statement once – “I know this house has been part of the church property for a long time, but it is a private home now, I’d so appreciate it if you would knock before entering.”

Yup month one, be gracious and set up a few boundaries.

The Second Month: Getting your feet wet

People start wondering two things: One, how you’ve decorated your home and two, when you’re going to join a ministry team.

It’s a bit early to have an open house but you could invite a select few over for a cup of tea or coffee. I know it seems crazy as you’ll still have boxes to unpack. But, a small gesture like this will give you the opportunity to get your feet wet relationally. Start with the other ministry wives and ask them to each bring their favorite kind of fruit to share. Talk about the fruit of the spirit as you make your fruit salad together.  If you’re in a small church, ask one or two of the older ladies to join you. Make it simple with one tray of cookies and a pot of tea or coffee. Nothing fancy.

It is possible to find true friendship or amazing mentors in this first initial invite. I do find, however, that those who start out all gung-ho are not usually the ones who stick. It’s more likely your greatest advocates will be the ones who’ve been waiting patiently on the side-lines to meet you.

Regardless, I encourage you to extend the hand of hospitality and be prepared to ask good questions and give good answers.

Here’s a few good questions:

“What do you love about this church?”

“How do you encourage the women in our church?”

“Do you have a favorite chapter or verse in the bible?”

Here’s a few good answers to potential questions:

“I’m praying about where God wants me to serve. I am going to wait a few months before deciding.”

“My gifts in the church may not be the same as my secular skill set. I do love to (Insert skill set: i.e. teach school, do taxes, write for my blog) but, I will pray about how to use my spiritual gifts first.”

Okay, so month two, get your feet wet but don’t dive in headfirst.

Month Three: Family LIfe

Now things are really getting busy. You’ve probably put your kids in school or started homeschooling, You are beginning to feel like your house is settled. Your husband is super busy and you are trying to figure out how to keep your family time a priority.

This is a great time for a family circle discussion. Ask your kids how they are feeling so far. Be ready to hear how they miss old friends or don’t think this church is as great as the last one. Share your own feelings as well and point your kids to the strength you find in Christ. Your husband may want to share what God is doing as a result of the move. You and your kids need to hear that there’s still a clear purpose and meaning to all of this so let your husband talk. His leadership in your home is super important. Support him and encourage your kids by telling them how fortunate they are to have a father who loves the Lord and them.

If you don’t have kids then you have a great opportunity to really strengthen your marriage during this month. Ask your husband if you could set up one evening a week to have a “couch date”. At least one hour where you sit on the couch with no “screens” and talk. Ask him how things are going and share your heart as well.

So, that’s month three. Be sure to stay tuned into your husband and children’s needs.

Well, It’s time for me to go run some errands. I’m so glad you dropped by. Will you come again in a few days? We’ll talk about months three-six. That’s when the excitement really begins! Okay, see you soon.