How to navigate the first 6 months as a Pastor's Wife

Post #4:

“Hi, Come join me on my porch. I have few minutes before I have to run some errands. Let’s sit for a bit and talk about this new ministry God is leading you to.

How to navigate the first six months at your new

 church:  Part 1

It has been decided! You will join the choir!” said, a sweet, well meaning parishioner.

“Oh, I see!” I chuckled.  “I really like deciding those things on my own. I’m not ready to join anything just yet, but thanks so much for inviting me!”

After twenty years of ministry, I usually go into a new church with a plan for such startling interactions. It’s not a steadfast formula but I’ve found it helpful. Would you like to know what it is?

Oh, I hear the teapot boiling. Let me go get our tea!

Here we go. Nothing like a spot of tea to keep us calm aye! 

Yes, these tea things are beautiful. A group of ladies from our last church threw me a going away party and gave them to me. These things remind me of the importance of spending time with people. Those ladies and I grew close and I treasure the memories with them.

Okay, so we were talking about a plan for the fist six months.

The First Month: Grace & Boundaries

Most churches will welcome you with great excitement. You may receive help moving in, meals for the first week and many visitors. Be ready to be loved on! The first few days are often hectic but wonderful!  If you are an introvert, all this loving may feel overwhelming. Be ready to set boundaries if needed. Keep in mind, your new church is excited you are here. Be gracious and let them help you in ways you most need it.

Here’s a few statements you may find helpful in the first month.

“Thanks for dropping by, we are a bit out of sorts right now. I’m looking forward to visiting with you in a few weeks.”

“I’m sorry, we are not ready for visitors yet. Would you like to meet somewhere for coffee or go to the park with our kids? I’d love to get out of the house for a bit.”

“You know what I really need? Help finding the grocery stores, school offices and library.  Would you be able to help me with that?”

I’ve only used this statement once – “I know this house has been part of the church property for a long time, but it is a private home now, I’d so appreciate it if you would knock before entering.”

Yup month one, be gracious and set up a few boundaries.

The Second Month: Getting your feet wet

People start wondering two things: One, how you’ve decorated your home and two, when you’re going to join a ministry team.

It’s a bit early to have an open house but you could invite a select few over for a cup of tea or coffee. I know it seems crazy as you’ll still have boxes to unpack. But, a small gesture like this will give you the opportunity to get your feet wet relationally. Start with the other ministry wives and ask them to each bring their favorite kind of fruit to share. Talk about the fruit of the spirit as you make your fruit salad together.  If you’re in a small church, ask one or two of the older ladies to join you. Make it simple with one tray of cookies and a pot of tea or coffee. Nothing fancy.

It is possible to find true friendship or amazing mentors in this first initial invite. I do find, however, that those who start out all gung-ho are not usually the ones who stick. It’s more likely your greatest advocates will be the ones who’ve been waiting patiently on the side-lines to meet you.

Regardless, I encourage you to extend the hand of hospitality and be prepared to ask good questions and give good answers.

Here’s a few good questions:

“What do you love about this church?”

“How do you encourage the women in our church?”

“Do you have a favorite chapter or verse in the bible?”

Here’s a few good answers to potential questions:

“I’m praying about where God wants me to serve. I am going to wait a few months before deciding.”

“My gifts in the church may not be the same as my secular skill set. I do love to (Insert skill set: i.e. teach school, do taxes, write for my blog) but, I will pray about how to use my spiritual gifts first.”

Okay, so month two, get your feet wet but don’t dive in headfirst.

Month Three: Family LIfe

Now things are really getting busy. You’ve probably put your kids in school or started homeschooling, You are beginning to feel like your house is settled. Your husband is super busy and you are trying to figure out how to keep your family time a priority.

This is a great time for a family circle discussion. Ask your kids how they are feeling so far. Be ready to hear how they miss old friends or don’t think this church is as great as the last one. Share your own feelings as well and point your kids to the strength you find in Christ. Your husband may want to share what God is doing as a result of the move. You and your kids need to hear that there’s still a clear purpose and meaning to all of this so let your husband talk. His leadership in your home is super important. Support him and encourage your kids by telling them how fortunate they are to have a father who loves the Lord and them.

If you don’t have kids then you have a great opportunity to really strengthen your marriage during this month. Ask your husband if you could set up one evening a week to have a “couch date”. At least one hour where you sit on the couch with no “screens” and talk. Ask him how things are going and share your heart as well.

So, that’s month three. Be sure to stay tuned into your husband and children’s needs.

Well, It’s time for me to go run some errands. I’m so glad you dropped by. Will you come again in a few days? We’ll talk about months three-six. That’s when the excitement really begins! Okay, see you soon.