How to leave well: A pastor's wife story

My husband is a Pastor. 

I am a Pastor's wife. 

My kids are Pastor's kids. 

We are without a church. 

The next words in my story may shock you. 

We are happy

We have peace

We are not bitter

We are not angry

We are waiting on God

What kind of story is that? No drama? No crisis? Boring!

Yes, I suppose our story may seem boring but only to those who don't see the amazing drama unfolding all around us. I'll share about that in another post.

This has not always been our story. We've experienced more painful chapters than this. So when I say you can leave well, I don't just mean when things are easy. I know what it's like to have people reject and malign my husband. I know how the rage and anger can boil beneath the surface of my heart when careless words are spoken. Words like, "Oh, everyone has transition, you'll be okay." Careless people don't see that unlike most people who loose their jobs a pastor's family looses their community, their home, their security and sometimes their faith in the church. 

So even though the leaving we are facing right now is filled with well wishes and gracious goodbye's, I know how to leave well in every situation. I know, because God tells me in his Word. You only have to read Paul's words in Philippians or James words to the twelve tribes. Everywhere you look in the Word there are answers to leaving and living well. But for practical reasons, I'd like to give you five ways to leave well. 

Thank God for your church

I know you may think this is strange, but Paul does. Not only to his dear Philippians but also to his ill-behaved Corinthians. He thanked God for the "grace given them in Christ Jesus." 1 Cor. 1:4  and for their "partnership in the Gospel." Phil 1:5

God loves the people in your church. Yes, even the mean ones. He just loves them and sees through them and knows which ones are not really His and which ones have been deceived. He knows which ones are weak and foolish. He knows. So you don't have to. He loves. So you will learn to love like Him. Will you remember to thank God for your church?

 Pray for your church

Check out every one of Paul's books. He always says he is praying for the church. 

When you pray, really pray for your church you gain God' vision for His people. So as we've left every church we've prayed for it to succeed and to grow. We've prayed for the people to be discipled and the children to be taught the truth. We've asked God to keep their hearts tender toward him and to give the leaders wisdom and discernment and clarity. So, I exhort you, don't give up praying for your church.

If you can't say something nice ... you know

Not saying anything at all is sometimes the wisest thing you can do. I know you want to justify and defend and make sure everyone knows you are in the right. But resist that temptation. God is the judge. He will justify and defend your family.  This is the time to practice all those things you've learned and taught over the years. Gracious speech and kind words are best, but if they fail you silence is truly golden. 

Throw yourself a goodbye party

Yeah, this is crazy weird. If your leaving is painful and relationships are broken you may want to just invite a small group of people that you know love you and will miss you. Just be sure to practice 1-3 before they come.  Our church would have thrown us a party, but we felt the parsonage AKA the "Blue House" needed to be the place for the event. Plus, I honestly couldn't bear the thought of long speeches and painful videos in the church basement. I wanted to focus on the relationships. The people. The dear faces that I would miss every Sunday. So we divided everyone up by alphabet and invited them to our home. The church ladies provided cake and beverages and took shifts serving. Someone made a memories book for everyone to sign. It was a sweet time of sharing, crying, and laughing at old memories together. 

 Keep in touch with those you trust

It's possible there isn't a single person on this list for you. I'm so sorry, I've been there. It hurts. But, If there are some you trust,  do something together as soon as possible. Don't let time sweep away what you've forged as friends. You are going to need them in the next few months. The first few Sundays are the hardest so don't be afraid to text a friend for prayer.  As you launch out as "lay people", God can use these faithful few to sustain you and you can still have a ministry in their lives. 

I'd like to add to #5 to encourage your friends to stay with your former church. The church needs their influence and strength as much as you do. 

Well, I'm already thinking of five more things to help you leave well. But, I'll save them for another time. For now, dearest PW remember that we are ...

... Under the same wing.

-Joleen