Confessions from the bathroom stall: Dealing with the pressures of being a PW

Wanna know a secret?  

If you are a PW then this secret will be no mystery to you. 

Okay, ready?  

Pastor’s wives sometimes hide in the bathroom stalls at church to avoid people. 

Shocking! NO! They don’t do that? Yes! yes they do. 

If you are a lay person reading this then close your eyes and pretend you didn’t see that. 

Well, my fellow PW’s we may as well get it out in the open. There have been times when some of us have hidden in the bathroom waiting for Mrs. Huff and Puff to finish washing her hands and leave. We just can’t bear the thought of yet another conversation about how horrible the world is, how awful teens are these days, or how simply outrageous it is that the Deaconess board voted to remove all plastic bowls from the kitchen due to the fear of hidden germs in the porous surfaces.

Okay, I need a cup of tea after that. Hold on a minute.

Okay, here's a cup for you as well. 

Now let's get this straight, I personally have never hidden in a bathroom stall. Mrs. Huff and Puff is wise to that and may come in calling my name and looking under the doors for my shoes. I find it much easier to sit out in the open and surround myself with sickly young children and noisy teenagers. Hiding in the open is most effective. Especially if you can get right smack dab in the middle of the group and then let everyone else talk around you. 

We are not alone in our hiding tendencies. Remember King Saul? He hid amongst the baggage. 1 Samuel 10 22.   David hid as well, he hid in caves from the wrongful wrath of Saul.  2 Samuel 17:9 

What about the women in the bible who hid? Moses mother hid him in the bulrushes, Rahab hid Joshua and the spies from Israel. 

It’s true, annoying, mean spirited, people bring out the hider in all of us. There’s even a verse that says when the wicked arise the righteous hide (Proverbs 28:28). I suppose there are times when hiding is a wise, even prudent thing to do. I wonder, however, if we choose to hide more often than we should. 

Is it possible that our skulking in bathroom stalls or behind human shields is cowardly? 

"Excuse me? Did she say cowardly?"

"Yes, dear, I believe she did say cowardly."

Yes, I said it. Are we cowards?  Well according to the dictionary a coward is, “a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.: a timid or easily intimidated person.”  Yup, I’d say that sums up me on Sunday mornings pretty well. I often lack courage. I fear falling into a conversational pit where I say something I’ll regret. Worse, I fear saying nothing at all and harboring a thousand spiteful, mean spirited words in my heart. 

Though I am not a timid person I can find myself intimidated by the monumental task of greeting everyone and navigating the treacherous three minute welcome time in the middle of the service. 

So, I hide. I retreat into my purse or my bible and hope people will leave me alone. I skitter into the ladies bathroom for a moment of regrouping and stay there till all threats have seated themselves in the auditorium. 

I'm sorry do you need more tea? Here's a warm up for you. I know this topic gets to me as well. But listen to what God thinks about all this.

So there I am hiding when God whaps me up side the head and says, “Why are you hiding?” Do you not know that I am with you always? Have you forgotten everything I’ve ever taught you about being strong and courageous? Child, you are not to young for courage. My daughter, you are able to stand because I am your strength. I am your wisdom. I will give you the ability to love Mrs. Huff and Puff and to see through her petty grievances to her aching, lonely heart.   

Yes, I will also give you courage to shake a thousand hands and not get sick. I will give you words to say when you feel empty of them. Lift up your head and get out of this bathroom stall. Come out from behind your human shields and be the noble warrior I have created you to be.” 

Yup, that’s what God said to me. Well, His Word says it as well. I want to challenge us, me included, for the next month of Sundays to claim the verses below. Before you walk through the foyer door, arm yourself with courage. Ask God to fulfill his promises to you. 

I betcha we can make it through a whole month without hiding. Who knows we may be so visible and available that the Mrs. Sweet and Carings of our congregation will finally be able to find us. 

I know the pressures are real. I understand it takes courage to stay visible and available.  But, will you try? Will you claim these verses with me? I pray you will, and that we will think of each other this Sunday as we sit .... Under The Same Wing,

Love, 

Joleen

PW

Verses to claim: 

Psalm 31:20

You hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the conspiracies of man; You keep them secretly in a shelter from the strife of tongues.

Psalm 17:8

Keep me as the apple of the eye; Hide me in the shadow of Your wings

Psalm 32:7

You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah.

Psalm 31:19-24

How great is Your goodness,

Which You have stored up for those who fear You,

Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You, 

Before the sons of men!

You hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the conspiracies of man; you keep them secretly in a shelter from the strife of tongues.

Blessed be the Lord,

For he has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city.

As for me, I said in my alarm, 

“I am cut off from your eyes”;

Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications

When I cried to You.

O love the Lord, all you His godly ones!

The Lord preserves the faithful

And fully recompenses the  proud doer.

Be strong and let your heart take courage,

All you who hope in the Lord.

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Finding your best friend

Should pastor's wives have a best friend? 

Pastor's wives, really do need besties! We too need to snort with laughter over the silly things of life. We need to be found in our ripped sweats with no make-up on and know that our best friend still thinks we are wonderful.  We need to share our raw, unedited emotions with our dearest friends and know our credibility is not in jeopardy. 

If you are a pastor's wife and have yet to find this level of friendship, I want to encourage you not to give up.  From my own experience, best friends appear when we least expect it. 

If you are a lay person eves-dropping on our little conversation, I want to encourage you to pray for your pastor's wives and ask the Lord how you can demonstrate friendship on a real, authentic level. You may not end up being that best friend yourself, but you can certainly extend love and friendship as you pray for these dear women who so often feel lonely, scared and unqualified for their roles. 

So how do you find a best friend?

#1. Be secure in your relationship with Christ first.  

I know it sounds cliche to say, Jesus is my best friend. But it is essential for every woman, regardless of her church role, to find her strength and hope and comfort in Christ first. You can't expect to find a deep level of friendship in others if you are not first deeply in love with God.  From that source you will be able to discern and receive friendship most effectively.

#2. Observe, Listen and Wait!

Carefully observe the women in your circles of influence.  After three years of women's meetings, Sunday mornings, weekend events and casual coffee's at my current church, I think I have a pretty good idea who is faithful, reliable, and true. 

Listen for patterns of communicating. Is there someone who is able to share her struggles without putting people down or blaming everyone else in her life?  Give grace and understand everyone has bad weeks. We've all slipped up and said something during small group we wish we could take back. But listen for a woman's  pattern or way of talking. Is she more likely to share how God's helping her through life than who's making her life difficult. These patterns of sharing reveal the true heart of a potential best friend.

Wait, don't rush into a deep, time consuming relationship with another woman. A true friendship is worth developing over time.  

Spend lots of time having fun together.

#3. Relax! 

If you are on a best friend finding campaign you will scare everyone away. Don't worry so much about it. Spend time with the Lord and ask him how you can be the kind of friend you yourself are looking for. God often surprises me with friendships when I am not even searching for them. 

In the meantime! Share your desire for deep friendships with the Lord. He sees you and knows your need.  Also, seek out other PW's who can lift you up and encourage you. We have a private FB group for PW's. If you want to be added to the group. You can find us at Pastor's Wife 101 on FB or friend me! Joleen Steel.

So glad we are ... Under the same wing

Power, Love & A Sound Mind

God is always teaching me. Sometimes, I think, "God, could you teach someone else for awhile?" But, he seems  certain my lessons are important.

So, I learn.

Well, sometimes I rebel and refuse to learn. Maybe that's why I need such a patient teacher.

Lately, I'm wading through some physical issues that are bringing physical pain and emotional turmoil.  The pain is keeping me from all the things I love most. Including this blog. But more importantly, my family and my church.  I've not been able to sit in church for three weeks due to pain.

Lest you worry this is going to be a post about my issues, I'll stop right here to say. NOPE, it's about you! Well, me and you.  We both have pain. Your pain may be much worse than mine. It may be less. Regardless pain is pain.

Here's what I know so far about pain:

#1. Just when we think we can't take it anymore, He's there and then we can.

Psalm 23:4 speaks best to this. Even when we are walking through a valley filled with death. The death of a dream, the death of a loved one, the death of a marriage, He is there. His rod and His staff, they comfort us.

I felt this recently as I lay in an MRI tube, my body filled with pain. The instruction was to lie very still. My mind and my body were at war with the very idea of remaining still in this claustrophobic tube. So, I called on the teacher and He came. He comforted me, he helped me endure the pain. He will help you too. Do you think you can't take it anymore? He's with you. You can endure this.

#2. His voice can often be heard clearest when I am at my lowest.

Oh to hear his voice and know his arms are around me. That is comfort. My lowest, most desperate moments seem to happen at night. I can hear the steady breathing of my children and husband as I lay staring at the ceiling hurting.

Then, I hear Him.

He doesn't speak in words but I hear Him just the same and I know I am not alone. I know He sees me and He loves me and I don't have to be strong. I can release my tears and let my heart flow out to him.

#3.Do not waste the joy of today with fear for tomorrow.

Are you waiting for something?
Are you worried it will be bad news?
Are you afraid?

Yeah, me too. But, it is not God's will for us to live in the limbo of fear and worry. So, how on earth do we stop wasting today for fear of tomorrow?  By embracing whatever, God has in front of us today.

Today, I can lie here and worship the Lord.
Today, I can love my family and seek to embrace them with my actions and words
Today, I can do whatever work I am able to do and then lie down again and thank God for it.

Embrace today and trust Jesus for what you can not see on the other side of your midnight. When it comes you may find it's just another today filled with possibilities.

#4.  God has given us a spirit of power, love and a strong mind.

2 Timothy 1:7 says that God has not given us a spirit of fear. Fear is not from God. Fear says, our future is uncertain. God says, our future is secure. God has given us the power to reject the lies.

My kids commented the other day that I seem to say the name of Jesus randomly. I told them, it's because I'm practicing turning my thoughts and my will over to Him. When I think a fearful, helpless thought, I breathe the name of Jesus as a way of rejecting the spirit of fear and claiming the power, strength and sound mind God has given me.

So pain is pain. It's there. We live with it. But we do not need to let it rob us of the opportunities God has for us.  Whatever your level of pain. Will you join me in claiming power, love and a sound mind?
Will you listen for God's voice with me?  Right now?

Here in this small moment of silence.

Listen

Under the same wing,
Joleen

What I do in betwen tea parties

When I'm not sitting on my porch drinking tea you can find me hard at work on my computer working on resources for Wordless Walking Sticks.  My newest project is a resource for inspiring campers to hide the word of God in their heart and discover what it means to be a friend of Jesus.  I've spent hundreds of hours drawing, writing, praying and creating. 

I'll be going to Florida with our company to launch this new resource to over 900 camp directors. Will you pray for God's will to be done in regards to this project. Of course we'd love to see it birth a whole new generation of Christ followers, but God's in charge of that. 

Here's the promo video for the resource.

Video song credit: Sidewalk prophets - Nothings gonna stop us from their album "I wanna live like that." https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/live-like-that/id510499101

Thanks friends for all your prayers and encouragement. I'll let you know how the conference goes. 

Love, Joleen

Why we do this: Part 2 - Ten dollars in my pocket

My Mom has been reminding me lately of some of the amazing things God has done for us over the years. This story has been handed down verbally for years. It's time we share it with you. May you be encouraged to have faith regardless of your circumstances and to obey the Lord even when it seems crazy!

Ten dollars in my pocket

By Doreen Babcock

1977 we found ourselves traveling the midwest, with our four children, in a wood paneled station wagon.  My husband, Eldon worked for an evangelistic team that held crusades. His job required us to arrive at the crusade location two weeks beforehand in order to train volunteers.

For reasons, I can't quite recall, it became necessary for the children and I to remain behind at a hotel while Eldon continued on about a half days drive ahead of us.  Eldon had already left when the hotel called to tell me that our room rental was required ahead of time.  The cash I had paid for it but left the children and I with ten dollars to spend on food for the next three days. 

With no way to contact Eldon I tucked the children in bed and knelt down to seek the Lord. To my surprise He impressed on my heart the need to put five dollars in an envelope and mail it to some missionary friends of ours.  This was not the answer I'd hoped to hear. 

The next morning I did as the Lord asked and walked to the nearest post box and put the letter in. A grocery store stood directly across the street. With tears in my eyes I took the hands of my youngest two daughters and encouraged my eldest two children to follow me. I thought we might be able to buy a loaf of bread and some peanut butter with our last five dollars.

Half way through the store, I heard a sweet voice calling me, "Doreen? Doreen Babcock is that you?"

Turning I saw a woman about my age who'd been part of a previous crusade in the area.  She hugged me and asked why I was here. I calmly explained that Eldon had gone ahead and we were staying at the hotel across the street. 

"Nonsense!" She exclaimed, "You are all coming to my house to stay with me!" 

She helped us gather our things from the hotel and loaded us all up in her car. When we arrived at her home, she fixed us a lovely lunch and then turned to me and said, "I hope you don't think me rude, but I wonder if you'd be in need of some clothing. I'm afraid I purchased some clothes a few months back and then went and lost a little weight. I just don't know what to do with them. Do you mind seeing if you'd like any of them." 

I was thrilled as I modeled her expensive suits and dresses for her. They all fit perfectly!

When her husband arrived home and found out everything that had happened he turned to his wife and said, "You mean to tell me you gave Doreen all those clothes and you didn't give her children a thing?"  He pulled out his wallet and shooed us all off to the nearest department store. 

That evening, I knelt beside my bed and praised God for all he'd done for us! 

Psalm 136: 21 

Give thanks to the God of heaven,

For his lovingkindness is everlasting.

The End

God's great love and provision for our needs is frequently demonstrated in the lives of those who serve Him with their whole hearts. If you are in ministry, I pray you will claim the verses above and rely completely on Him. He will provide!
Love, Joleen & Doreen