Finding your best friend

Should pastor's wives have a best friend? 

Pastor's wives, really do need besties! We too need to snort with laughter over the silly things of life. We need to be found in our ripped sweats with no make-up on and know that our best friend still thinks we are wonderful.  We need to share our raw, unedited emotions with our dearest friends and know our credibility is not in jeopardy. 

If you are a pastor's wife and have yet to find this level of friendship, I want to encourage you not to give up.  From my own experience, best friends appear when we least expect it. 

If you are a lay person eves-dropping on our little conversation, I want to encourage you to pray for your pastor's wives and ask the Lord how you can demonstrate friendship on a real, authentic level. You may not end up being that best friend yourself, but you can certainly extend love and friendship as you pray for these dear women who so often feel lonely, scared and unqualified for their roles. 

So how do you find a best friend?

#1. Be secure in your relationship with Christ first.  

I know it sounds cliche to say, Jesus is my best friend. But it is essential for every woman, regardless of her church role, to find her strength and hope and comfort in Christ first. You can't expect to find a deep level of friendship in others if you are not first deeply in love with God.  From that source you will be able to discern and receive friendship most effectively.

#2. Observe, Listen and Wait!

Carefully observe the women in your circles of influence.  After three years of women's meetings, Sunday mornings, weekend events and casual coffee's at my current church, I think I have a pretty good idea who is faithful, reliable, and true. 

Listen for patterns of communicating. Is there someone who is able to share her struggles without putting people down or blaming everyone else in her life?  Give grace and understand everyone has bad weeks. We've all slipped up and said something during small group we wish we could take back. But listen for a woman's  pattern or way of talking. Is she more likely to share how God's helping her through life than who's making her life difficult. These patterns of sharing reveal the true heart of a potential best friend.

Wait, don't rush into a deep, time consuming relationship with another woman. A true friendship is worth developing over time.  

Spend lots of time having fun together.

#3. Relax! 

If you are on a best friend finding campaign you will scare everyone away. Don't worry so much about it. Spend time with the Lord and ask him how you can be the kind of friend you yourself are looking for. God often surprises me with friendships when I am not even searching for them. 

In the meantime! Share your desire for deep friendships with the Lord. He sees you and knows your need.  Also, seek out other PW's who can lift you up and encourage you. We have a private FB group for PW's. If you want to be added to the group. You can find us at Pastor's Wife 101 on FB or friend me! Joleen Steel.

So glad we are ... Under the same wing